Southern Belle in Training

Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle Blog || Est. 2012 || Virginia Beach, VA

May 23, 2013

Ramblings on purity in the high school years.

     Around this time last year, I was preparing for high school graduation and my graduation party. Late one night (I'm talking like 2-3 am... before college I was never up that late!) I lay awake in my bed, unable to sleep. I suddenly had this urge to write a speech to give at my upcoming graduation party. My  head told me that logically it was too late for me to be doing anything except sleeping, but I somehow got out of bed and pulled out my laptop anyways. I wrote and wrote and wrote... and although I finished it the next day I ended up with a 12 page speech that personally addressed every single person that would be attending my graduation party- and the guest list had 80+ people! I wanted each person that was coming to know how they individually had touched my life. A few weeks later when I read my speech at the party, my parents and many other guests had tears in their eyes and were very grateful for my words. I smiled to myself and realized that my instinct to write late that one night had gone to good use.

     That was a really long intro, but I'm writing this at 12:30 am so I expect my writings not to flow as normally as they would during a post written in the daytime. Anyways, all night I kept feeling like something was tugging at my heart to write a blog post about purity tonight. I wasn't really sure where it came from, but this is something that I've been thinking about all day. When this happens to me I trust that these urges in me to pour out my heart come from none only then God himself, and I know that I best listen to Him!

     I know that not everyone who reads my blog is a Christian, and not everyone who reads shares the Christian view on purity. If you differ from me in these areas, please don't take the words that I'm about to write as a put-down. I hope that if anything you're encouraged by what I have to say, and might be able to see a different perspective in a new light. I just never want any of my readers to feel that I'm a judgemental girl who looks down on people that might have different faiths or different views on sex and purity. Whatever you believe, I'm glad that you've found your way to my blog, and I'm glad that you're reading this post!

     Anyways, to all of you, God has made it so clear to me lately that I need to wait. Not just wait to have sex until I'm married, but wait to get into a relationship in the first place. I know I've said this before on here, but I'll say it again. I never dated in high school. I suppose in the blogging community this isn't too unusual, but it sure was unusual at my high school. I went to a public high school with a very low Christian community. I was blessed to make a few good friends in the "goody-goody group" of my graduating class (people like me that had no desire to party or act rebellious), but even most of them dated at least one person in high school. I kept telling myself all through high school that God loved me so much, and that I didn't need to attention of an immature boy to feel complete, but I still couldn't make myself believe this. Looking back now I realize how truly crazy I got over the fact that I wasn't dating. So, so many tears were shed and I think that many of my bad moods used to come from moping about being single. Bless my mom's heart for putting up with me for years of that! I know that she would get frustrated with me at times, and now I honestly don't blame her!

     While a permanent case of being single in the high school years wasn't the only reason that I was depressed for part of my junior year of high school, I think that it was definitely a contributing factor. People's reactions to my situation didn't help much either. I remember that I met often with my school guidance counselor during my junior year, and once he made a comment that since I was such a nice young lady I must get lots of attention from the guys at school. I told him that the truth was quite the opposite, and that guys didn't ask me out and besides for a couple guy friends most boys at school didn't even glance in my direction. My guidance counselor was shocked, and kept saying "I just don't understand why they don't notice you." I think he meant that in a kind way, but his words hurt me even more. I kept crying out silently to God "Can't you see how jealous I am of all of my girlfriends that have special guys in their life? When is my turn going to come? Don't You know how much I would love a boyfriend, and how well I'd treat him?" I poked fun in these posts of my 9th grade self for doing this, but when I look back I wasted a lot of my high school years angry at God and angry at my situation.

     A lot of things lately have been pushing me towards my newfound joy and appreciation of purity (Including a great new post series by my blogging friend Jessica!), but perhaps what touched me the most was this article called "4 Benefits of Not Dating in High School" written by blogger Erin of Sweetness Itself. Erin actually wrote this for a Christian magazine called QUITE, but tonight she shared the link to it on her blog. I read it because the title intrigued me, and after reading it I was literally like "Wow. Just WOW. Where was this when I was in high school?!" Erin makes so many great points about how not dating in high school just benefits a life of purity, and reminded readers how much heartache you're protecting yourself from if you don't date. Erin also wrote about focussing on just developing good friendships with guys and girls during these years, instead of worrying about dating. Reading this reminded me of some fun times that I did share with my friends, times when I just was having fun and enjoying myself, and not stressing about being single. Oh- how I wish I had treasured those times more when they were happening! Oftentimes after hanging out with high school friends I would go home and mope about not having a boyfriend, instead of thanking God for the lovely times that I just shared.

     I just want to say that if you are in high school and you are dating someone, or did date someone seriously in high school, I'm not saying that it's all bad! People mature at different times, and some girls and guys are ready for serious, committed relationships when they are in their early teen years. I know many bloggers that started dating their spouses when they were in high school, including a few of my favorite bloggers like Elle and McKenzie. God just clearly intends for some people to meet the right person a little earlier, and that's totally fine! 

     But what I am saying is that if you're a single high school girl and reading this post, know the things that I wish my high school self had known:

  1. A relationship with Jesus and the Heavenly Father will bring much more joy into your life then a guy ever could.
  2. It says in the Psalms that when we put our trust and joy into our relationship with the Lord, he will bless us with more than we could ever imagine, and for many girls that means a Godly guy when the time is right! Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalms 37:4 NIV
  3. God's timing is always perfect. Whether you're 15 and dating the love of your life or 35 and still single, God has a specific reason for why you're in the state you are, and His ways are always good.
  4. I think this one is especially important: The first Christian guy that comes into your life is not necessarily "the one." I blogged in this post about how during my first semester of college I unintentionally "lead on" one of the first Christian guys that I met at school, and how much conflict and pain was caused when both of us rushed and tried too hard to envision a relationship. Girls- it is so important to take your time in getting to know guys that you are interested in! I learned the hard way that you can't get too close to a person in such a short amount of time. Good things come to those who wait- and that means taking your time in getting to know someone, and not rushing certain things before they're supposed to happen! 

       Love between a man and woman is designed for lifetime companionship, not for teenagers to play around with and not take seriously. High school friends- know that your beauty is not found in admiration from the opposite sex, but instead from the One who knew you before you were even born. I'm sharing my heart and experiences with you because I hope to influence someone not to do what I did and make your high school years a time of moping and complaining and pity parties. Rise above this culture's "norms" for high school dating, and wait on God's timing!

     Feedback on this post is much appreciated! I'd love to read what you ladies (or any guys reading this) think.

     xoxo Miss ALK


  1. I loved this post. I am actually having a difficult time with boys in general and just being happy being single. Thank you so much for posting this it touched my heart. I was listening to Pandora praise and worship station while reading this and it made it all the more beautiful. Your heart is beautiful! <3

  2. I'm honestly so glad I came across this blog post and I must say that you're truly inspiring. I couldn't agree more with everything you said and I think lots of girls (and guys too) should read this.
    Part of the reason I can relate really well with this is that I'm a 23 year old guy who was surrounded by people that had sex a whole lot back when I was in the university but managed (by God's grace) to keep myself. Like you said, it's important that people who have different views on sex or relationships don't feel like they are being judged, but rather, try to understand that there are a lot of heartaches that could be avoided if they wait for God's timing.
    The 4th point you raised is really important as well. *the first christian guy/girl that comes your way might not be the right person*..... We still need to take time to get to know the other person well. And pray about it also.

  3. I love this post! I couldn't agree more (ironic, but hear me out!) David was my first "real boyfriend." Sure, I had crushes in high school (maybe 2? Ha!), and talked with a couple of them at different times, but (looking back now) i can see and be glad that God never let it get past that talking phase. He always seemed to cut it off. It was so discouraging at the time, I always felt like it was something about me that kept these boys away! But It was my Father in heaven, protecting my heart. And now that I am on the other side of it, I am so incredibly blessed that he did. I love knowing that David is the only one who has ever known me emotionally and mentally the way that he does. No one else has known my heart the way he does. It makes me feel safe with him, if that makes sense.

    I am so glad you posted this! Things like this are just so good to say and need to be heard. So important in today's world.

  4. Cute blog! Now following <3 come follow me back! :)

  5. Wow! Your post touched me so much today. I never dated anyone in high school while all of my best friends were in serious relationships. I felt like something was wrong with me a lot of the time, and then when I came to college and got attention from guys, I did stupid things - (for me stupid is just kissing a lot of guys). I finally realized that my best friend and the boy who used to accompany me to church every weekend was actually the right guy, and we've now been dating for almost five months. Although we're both Catholic/Christian, it's still hard to have self-control yet we're both still virgins. I'm planning on waiting until marriage before I lose my virginity. I really thought a lot about the topic when I was seeing a different guy last semester because he kept pushing me but I wasn't ready and I thought - if I'm not ready when I'm not in the moment, then I'm not ready when I am. Waiting is SO much better because if I rushed into something with that past guy, I would have never found my current boyfriend, who doesn't hint, pressure or even mention sex unless he thinks I'm okay with discussing it. WAIT! So proud and so happy to find another blogger who believes in purity and waiting for the special one.

  6. Hey Annaliese! I'm part of Her Campus' Blogging Network too & I just wanna say that I love that you promote your faith on your blog as well. I think that it's such a beautiful thing. I love it.

  7. Hey there. Major update and I need everyone to shoot over and there and check it out. Prayers are needed majorly.


    your input would mean the world to me.


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