October 30, 2013

Good girls aren't perfect girls.

     This post is the result of a lot of thinking that I've done over the past few weeks about some of my actions and ways of responding to my actions. That is probably a terrible first sentence, but I don't know how else to start this. :-)

This picture has nothing to do with the post, I've just been missing my long hair lately. :-)

     I'm a good girl, or more specifically, a goody-goody two shoes. My mom hates the latter term, but it's my favorite way to describe myself, and it was my identity in high school. So many of my high school classmates were experimenting with drugs, alcohol and sex during those years (And I mean literally almost everyone. Even the honors students.), and I was against all of those things and never had the desire to try any. I graduated high school with high honors and I was on the Dean's List for both semesters of my first year of college (which by the way I spent at a Southern Baptist affliated university).  For the past couple years I've made it a point to attend church every Sunday. I've made the decision to wait until marriage to have sex, and I wear a purity ring displaying that decision. I rarely curse or take the Lord's name in vain. I don't enjoy watching R rated movies. I'm a good girl through and through. Now that I'm in my sophomore year of college these are all things that I have chosen to do or not to do, it's not like these are things that are being forced to me by my parents. I've made all these decisions on my own, and I stick to them. I also know that I'm not the only good girl in the blogging world... many of you that are reading this can probably identify with me! One of my favorite bloggers, Nicole, wrote an excellent blog post last year all about her experiences with being a good girl (read it here!).

     While I'm proud of myself for having morals and standards, I also know that I'm not perfect. I see the ways in which I fail everyday, and it's by God's amazing grace that I'm forgiven and can find my strength. An example, sometimes I slack off on homework or in studying for quizzes. I get those done but I know I could have tried harder and that I didn't give it my all. I beat myself up about it internally, but after awhile I realize how small that grade is in terms of my whole college career or life, and I know that God still loves me anyways (and I'm determined to do better next time). Another way that I'm not perfect by any means was relating to my parents in my high school years). I love them both so much, and they're both great parents, but of course we have had our share of disagreements and arguments over the years. But my point is that I realize that I'm not always perfect in school and in my relationships with my parents, but I think both of those things are normal and I know that God forgives me.


     But here's where things change... I have become so humbled over the past few weeks because I realized that for years I have had this sub-concious belief that the only ways in that I "mess up" are through normal parent-teenager disagreements or slacking off in school sometimes. I had this belief that my interactions with everyone around me were always wonderful, and if there was a conflict or issue it was the other person's fault and never mine. Never mine. I'm a good girl. Good girls don't cause conflict, good girls are good girls. I try my hardest when I'm talking to people to avoid bringing up offensive topics or things that can be taken the wrong way. That's one of the reasons that I hate talking about politics or my views on hot-topic issues. I'm a good girl, and good girls don't cross those types of lines.

     In the past few weeks at school, it's been brought to my attention that comments that I have made to two seperate people have been taken as hurtful, and I even though I didn't intend to, I have hurt people's feelings. Granted- these comments weren't about anything super offensive or terribly wrong, but just comments that could have seemed a little rude to someone else and were taken in a way that I didn't mean, I don't have to go into the specifics of what they were, as that isn't my main point. What is my point is that I flipped out inside after both of these situations had been brought to my attention. All I could think was "I'm a good girl! I don't make comments that hurt people's feelings! They're clearly too sensitive! I'm 19 years old and have never been told that I make rude comments before, so obviously this is their problem and not mine!" These are literally some of the things that I said on the phone to my mom after the first situation happened.

      But how wrong it was of me to think this way. Just because I'm a so-called "good girl" does not mean that I don't sin or mess up just like everyone else. And sin doesn't always come in the forms I'm used to or familiar with. The truth is that in both of these situations the actual comments that I made weren't that bad, it was more that they were misinterpreted and taken the wrong way. But even though I explained what my true intentions were, I felt this rage building up in me because I thought that I didn't deserve to deal with that (even though I'm the one that made the comments that caused things in the first place).

      I have given genuine apologies to both of the people that this happened with. One of them appreciated my apology and things are back to normal, but the other said that the comments hurt her too much and she decided to end our friendship. In the second situation, we had meeting with the RA's in our dorm building to try and sort things out. The RA's saw that I really meant my apology, and agreed that since my comments weren't about anything too serious the girl took them a little bit too harshly. But it still was a strong lesson for me. I have been humbled so, so much in the past few weeks. I always thought that not offending people with my words just mean not cursing or not talking about my views on issues like underage drinking and sex before marriage, but clearly I was wrong. Sometimes the things that I say will hurt people's feelings even if I don't mean that, and God wants me to be humbled when this happens instead of angry. I need to grow up and realize that yes, just because I'm a good girl I still have to take responsibility for my actions, even when I don't think that I've done anything wrong.



     Have any of you recently been in a situation where you had to take responsibility for your actions, even when what you did didn't seem "that bad?" I sure hope I'm not the only one who goes through this. :-) The college years truly are a growth process, and I realize that more and more each week it seems.


     xoxo Miss ALK

5 comments:

  1. I think your situation is a great example of how we are still sinners, despite wanting to be good and pure. God can still use us though! He works through us in more ways than we know. I hope is able to show you his workmanship in that encounter with your (ex) friend.

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  2. I love this post. When I say something hurtful, I sometimes think it's okay because "I had good intentions." That doesn't make it right. I am really working on saying only nice, positive things.

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  3. Absolutely love your honesty in this post. Good girl or bad girl, none of us are perfect! There is always that certain someone that isn't going to like us or something we say/do. That just means that you do not really need that person in your life! No matter how hard you may try. It's not worth it! You have to keep yourself happy! When I make someone mad or anything, it kills me. I get SO stressed out about it!! I have to give it to God, which I know can be easier said than done because after all we all are human!! It's going to be ok!! Love you!!

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  4. Love this post and I completely relate. I've recently gone through the same sort of thing!

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  5. We all have those unfiltered moments. Part of growing up though is knowing when you are wrong.

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