July 2, 2013

A sort of part 2 on "guy lessons from reflection."

     Last week I posted  about some important lessons that I learned through an experience of fall for a guy during the beginning of my freshman year of college. I titled the post "part 1" and meant to share "part 2" this week. Part two wasn't about the same guy as the first post. Part two was about a guy that I fell very hard for at the end of my first semester. My suitemate had set me up with him and everything was progressing perfectly. He was a Christian, he had his priorities straight (such as family and school were very important) and he was very good looking as well. Just when we were starting to get close and I was getting attatched he left my life. It wasn't because of me, he had to transfer schools for the following semester because of some things going on with his family. And when I say transfer, I mean leave NC suddenly and go to pretty much the opposite part of the country. We didn't really have much closure, because he told me kind of abruptly and I was angry and hurt at the time. This all happened over half a year ago now, but my feelings just haven't gone away. I haven't really talked to him at all since this. (He occasionally sends me snapchats but our communication has been limited to that.)

     ^ that's the extremely short version, and it was hard enough for me to write that. I first vocalized my decision to blog about my experiences with him here, and I hoped that writing a long post similar to guy lessons from reflection would help me, but it has just made my feelings worse. I tried writing a long post about it several times, but every time that I'd add a little more to it I'd end up in a terrible mood, or start crying. I have struggled and struggled with getting over him for many months. I have talked to my mom about it a ton, vented to college friends, and most importantly, I've talked to God. At first I kept questioning why He would allow me to cross paths with someone who I would be so attracted to, and not only that, but a guy that gave me no reason not to like him. Besides for him not being totally honest about leaving, there was nothing about him that I didn't like. This guy had good looks, morals (both of us were firm believers in purity before marriage, and he wasn't into drinking or drugs), humor and one of the most solid faiths that I've ever seen in a college guy. One night when we hung out I remember I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and no make-up (something I rarely do) and he still made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. The way that we met was adorable too; he was friends with one of my suitemates and when the two of them were hanging out on campus once I waved at her; afterwards he told her I was cute and asked her to set us up. Like seriously, how sweet is that?!

     But anyways, I got off track for a second. I kept praying and in my prayers after he left I begged God to let me get over him quickly, and I also tried to overcome my own feelings and pray for him as he began a new chapter in his life (I still try and do this). In the first few months after it happened I didn't really think about him much. I was busy with starting a new semester, and then soon after I got really sick. Then came the craziness of making up all of my work and ending the semester... and on top of all of that was the transferring thing. But since coming home I can't stop thinking about him. My memories are so vivid, and they hit me at the weirdest times. I think part of the reason that I've been dwelling so much in the past with him is because almost all of the people that I keep in touch with from my high school are/just were in serious relationships, and I feel left out. There's also been no guys that I've been interested in since him.

     I posted about this situation on a Christian girls Facebook group that I'm a member of. Several girls commented on my post and some of them told me they'd been in similar situations. Pretty much all of them suggested that one way that I can look at the situation is to acknowledge that the fact God took him out of my life should teach me that I need more of God in my life, and this experience could show me how much I need to rely on the Lord in everything. I think this was very good advice, but at the same time it doesn't make dealing with all of this any easier.

     In some ways I think I finally have made peace with the fact that I'm still single, something that took me a long time to get to. In this situation it's not the fact that we didn't date and I'm still single that makes me the most upset (I think I would have been content if we stayed "just friends"), it's that I fell so hard for a guy that I thought was perfect, and then he left so suddenly (and didn't really make an effort to stay in touch).

   
     Do any of you have tips for getting over a guy? I recently bought the book Get Lost by Dannah Gresh. It's a devotional and Christian self-help book that encourages girls to fall in love with Jesus instead of letting guys consume your thoughts. Although I have been kind of failing in keeping up with the daily devotions because of my work schedule, I have loved what I've read so far. When I finish the book I hope to do a review of it.


     xoxo Miss ALK

4 comments:

  1. Hey Lady! I would say that what I normally do is: de-friend on FB (seeing his prof. everyday doesn't help), not respond to texts and delete from cell also, keep yourself occupied with hobbies (blog, running, etc.), maybe start an interest in a new guy (even if it doesn't go anywhere, just "liking" someone secretely is sometimes good enough) Listening to inspirational music like A Fine Frenzy. I also like to watch dating shows like Millionaire Matchmaker and other chick flicks to learn tips and to get motivated to move on:)

    Ginny
    www.buttergirldiaries.com

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  2. Keep your head up pretty lady Mr. Right will come along sooner or later (hopefully sooner)! I always say that everything happens for a reason, and when things happen we don't always know the reason why right away. Getting over somebody you really cared for is no easy task. I think in tough times it is best to surround yourself with people who care about you who make you laugh and feel good about who you are. Just keep yourself busy, which it sounds like you are just by all the working you've been doing! The least you can take out of this learning experience are qualities that you know you want in a future boyfriend. Just stay positive I know it is hard, and if you ever need somebody to talk to you know where to find me!

    xoxo
    mQs

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  3. First off, thanks so much for opening up and sharing this! I admire your authenticity and your strength to share :)

    I've never been in a relationship nor close to finding a guy who was available that sounds as good as he does. I'm not sure how good this advice is, but I definitely agree with Ginny about finding and focusing on hobbies. I've been trusting God with my love life, and leaving it all up to Him. I feel like He would know what and who's best for me and also when is the right time. Maybe guy #2's leaving was God's way in saying that it's not time for a relationship? Maybe God has something else in store for you now or maybe someone else will be coming along the way :)

    And I will be emailing you back shortly! And thanks again for sharing this girl!

    xo, gina

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  4. Just remember that you are still VERY young, and you have many more opportunities to meet other guys. If God took this particular guy out of your life, then he did it for a reason. Obviously this guy was just not God's best. But don't worry- you have lots of time to find God's guy!

    Right now, while you have the GREAT opportunity to be single, you should focus on growing yourself and your relationship with Jesus.

    Thanks for sharing!
    Jillian

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