Relationship Monday: Why I'm Glad I Gave Dating Apps Another Try.

     Happy Monday and happy July! I've been sharing different monthly series blog posts on Tuesdays of each month this year, but for July the monthly series will be on Mondays- I'll be sharing a new Relationship Monday post each week this month! I've always enjoyed writing these in the past, and I haven't shared any in the last several months which means I have lots of post ideas now! I thought I would kick things off by taking a little dive into why my views on dating apps have shifted again in 2019. 

Summer 2019 Q&A + Life Update.

    A couple times a year I enjoy sharing updated Q&A posts on the blog! You guys always send me such fun and creative questions to answer, and it's a fun way to share a little more about myself on here. As always, I loved the questions for my summer Q&A! I also got a lot of questions regarding a life update that I shared in this blog post, and I'll address all of those similar questions with a little update at the end of the post. So grab your glass of wine or a hot beverage of choice- and let's chat!

Happy Valentine's Day! Here Are My Favorite Relationship Posts...

     Happy Valentine's Day, friends! Whether you're single, dating, engaged, married, or even getting over a recent heartbreak... I still hope that today is a great day for you. Eat something sweet, and wear something pink and red and/or with hearts!! Tell someone that you love them- even if that's a friend or family member!

     I feel really lucky that 2018 (shortly after moving to Virginia) was around the time that I got into the most positive mindset of my life about being single. I stopped playing the comparison game against friends who were dating, engaged, or married, and have instead tried to make a genuine effort to have a heart of thankfulness for my current state of life each and every day. With that said- that hasn't not always been the case for me! In college, I struggled so much with being single, and I had a few rough Valentine's Days in those years. In college (I think especially if you live on campus like I did), it sometimes feels like a world of its own, and it can start to seem like everyone around you is doing something that you're not. For me,  it always seemed like everyone else on my small campus had a Valentine or was in a relationship. (Obviously this wasn't the case- but I'd throw these giant pity parties where it would seem that way!) Basically, I really struggled with contentment in singleness in my college years, and I so wish that 24 year old me could have said something to 18 or 19 year old me about finding joy during that season of life, even without a boyfriend!

     Anyways- here on the blog I enjoy writing about dating and singleness with my ongoing Relationship Monday blog series. I don't have a certain Monday of each month that I post these... I just kind of share them when I feel inspired! I wasn't able to get up any new relationship content for today on the blog, so I thought that instead I'd share a round-up of five of my favorite relationship related blog posts from years past!!

{Photo originally from this post}

Relationship Monday: A Year Without Dating Apps.

     One of the most popular blog posts on Southern Belle in Training (of all time) was one that I wrote almost three years ago, entitled "A Christian Perspective on Tinder." I had been on Tinder and Bumble for a few months at that point, and just thought it would make a good blog post topic to share some of my thoughts about dating and faith. I had NO idea how much that post would resound with people! (True story: I still get emails from people who found my blog from that post.) My story with dating app usage and how I view them in general has changed a lot since I wrote that blog post. Partly because this year I've finally become happy with being single, and partly because I've had a lot of time to analyze the negatives and positives of my dating app experiences. so in today's Relationship Monday I'll be sharing what life has been like since I deleted all dating apps off my phone last year!

Midweek Ramblings + Recent Purchases.

{Follow me @miss_alk on Instagram and Snapchat!}

Ramblings:

• Lent: I'm really excited to be giving up something for Lent this year! Every year of college, I have wanted to participate in Lent fasting. Even though I am not Catholic, I think that all people of Christian faith can still celebrate this special season. Yet each year the Mardi Gras holiday happens before I can even catch my breath, and then Easter is here already before I know it! But I made sure that didn't happen this year. For my Lent fast, I am not giving up a food item, but instead something a bit more untraditional. Starting today (and until Easter), I am giving up social media after 10:30 pm. With my blog (and honestly just with being a Communication major!), I cannot give up social media entirely as it's something that I both use for the business of blogging and need for some academic purposes. But I do realize that it can become a bit addictive for me, and many of my favorite websites and apps keep me up way past bedtime each night. By cutting my social media off early during Lent, I'm hoping to use this extra time each night for homework, spending time with the Lord through devotionals and bible readings, and also just going to bed earlier! (I will still be working on blog posts later at night, and using Facebook for blogging groups later at night if needed. But all of my other apps and websites like Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat will be daytime and evening only until Easter!) I am making an exception to this fast during the days that I will be traveling for Spring Break next month- as I know my schedule will be different during that time! Are any of you participating in Lent this year? 
• About yesterday's post: In yesterday's blog post, I had the opportunity to review an app that helps with organization for online dating. If you use dating apps, then definitely check out the post! I do want to share though that despite having some interesting adventures with both Tinder and Bumble at different points in this school year, I have decided not to pursue dating any further until graduation. My life is too crazy right now- before I factor someone else into my equation, I need to be figuring out my post-grad plans, finishing school on a strong note, and also taking time just for enjoying the last couple months of college! I might get back on Bumble after graduation (definitely prefer this to Tinder!), but we will see. God has given me lots of peace in having the next few months as a single girl, and I'm ready to enjoy that! 
• New music: I am OBSESSED with this new song by Mike Posner! Do y'all remember him? He had a big hit during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school some years back called Cooler Than Me. (That song will forever make me think of my high school friend Tim- he was the first of my friends to get a license and car, and that whole summer we would listen to Cooler Than Me on trips in Tim's car to the beach! Haha.) Anyways, this song seems to be a totally different sound for Mike Posner, but I love love love it! I wish this song didn't drop an F bomb in it, as I prefer clean music generally. But other then that I can't stop listening! 

Purchases:

• I had a very stressful Monday this week, and after getting out of a long afternoon meeting I did a little bit of online shopping! I ordered this top and I can't wait for it to come in so that I can style it on the blog- I'll also be bringing it to Florida next month! 
• You might have seen on my Instagram account last week that I had the chance to test out some products from one of my favorite affordable cosmetic lines, Essence! I was sent so many wonderful goodies that I haven't had a chance to try everything yet, but so far a couple of my favorite items are this liquid lipstick and this concealer stick. Two new favorite Essence products that I will probably repurchase! (And under $10 for both!)
• The tassel necklace featured in the photo in this post can be found here- isn't it fun?! 

      I hope that y'all are having wonderful weeks so far! Mine has been very busy, and today I have a lot of homework to do before night class, but here's to a hopefully productive day!

     xoxo Miss ALK

      

A Christian Perspective on Tinder.

     In the months and weeks before I joined the popular dating app Tinder this fall, I found myself googling phrases like "Tinder and Christians", "Christians on Tinder" and "Is Tinder okay for Christians" again and again. I never really found any search results that helped with what I was looking for. I hope that today's blog post might help someone out there who might someday be googling the same things that I was! I by no means consider myself to be a relationship or faith expert (and I'm certainly not a Tinder expert), but I do have a story to share about this topic, and what better place to do so then my blog?

A black and white version of the photo that I used for my Tinder Bio. Photo Credit: Emily Sacra Photography

     Many of you who have been long-time readers of my blog know that I have yet to have a serious relationship in college. I have been on many a casual date throughout the past three and a half years, but circumstances beyond my control always prevented things from getting more serious with the two boys that I could have given my heart to during my college years so far. (Then there has been plenty of unwanted male attention, especially during my freshman year at my former college, but that's a whole separate blog post! Haha.)

     What my lack of a  dating life comes down to is that I'm a girl who has always known what she wants, and my high standards, faith, and lifestyle make it hard for me to fall for someone. The couple times that I have opened my heart a little bit, I have gotten hurt before things even progressed very far. I do truly believe that God has a perfect plan for everyone's relationships if they follow Him, and that is what I have tried to honor with my dating life in college. He is ultimately greater then any crushes or boys or hook-ups.


     But with all of that said, by the start of my senior year this year, I was getting a little tired of being single. (Actually, a lot tired).  I hadn't been on a date in over six months, and the last guy that I had gone out with was someone who I had much greater feelings for than he had for me. I knew that it was really about time for me to move on from that situation, but I didn't know how to. I go to a college that has a much higher population of female students then males (another reason why I haven't dated that much in college), and no one was catching my eye at school at the start of the year. I'm not the type of girl who will force myself to like a guy just so that I have someone to go out with, and I wasn't about to start doing that with the guys at school.

    So I started to consider Tinder. I had heard so much about it over the past couple of years, as it really came on the scene during my college years. At first Tinder was only known as an app to find people nearby who wanted to hook-up, but over time the connotation of it began to change. I started hearing more and more stories of real relationships that were formed because of Tinder. By going to school in a city as large enough as Charlotte, I started to wonder about the population of guys on there, and if there might be guys on the app who had similar lifestyles and religious views to me, and who might be looking for relationships instead of just casual sex.

     When the stress of sorority recruitment started really getting to me by mid-September of this year, I decided that I needed a distraction from recruitment (and needed it FAST), so I thought that downloading Tinder would be the perfect distraction. I thought that maybe talking to some new guys, going on dates, and the possibility of maybe meeting someone amazing would be a great way to get through the recruitment season.

     Tinder did end up being the distraction that I was looking for. I do have to give the app credit for getting my head out of the sorority mindset a bit! But was it the healthiest distraction? I don't think so.



~~~~~



   All in all, I probably only talked to maybe eight to ten guys in the couple of months that I had Tinder. This might sound like a lot, but with the way that the app works I was probably swiping through literally hundreds of guys within the time that I had it, so I really am very selective. And out of these eight-ten, I only went on two dates. Neither resulted in a second date.

    Both of my dates were in restaurants during the dinner hours. Both restaurants were popular places and in very public areas- when meeting someone for the first time from online, safety is always key! One date was right in Charlotte, and the other was in a suburb.

     The first guy that I met up with was back in September, during my sorority recruitment season. We had a really nice conversation on the app, and I was genuinely excited to meet the guy. The good news about our date: he was cuter in person than in his pictures. The bad news: he was also monotone, boring, and quite rude. We had no connection in person at all, and what little conversation there was felt very forced.

     My second date was about a month later, with a guy who was a few years older than me. He was the opposite of the first guy, in that he was very nice, and we were both able to hold decent conversation throughout the whole date. He was also a Christian and enjoyed talking about his faith, and I liked the fact that I had been able to find an openly Christian guy on Tinder.
      However, even though the second guy was both a lot kinder and also a Christian, we still didn't "click." After meeting him in person, I realized that his goals and priorities in life were currently a lot different than mine. Perhaps it was our age difference, perhaps it was our different backgrounds... I'm not really sure. I honestly attribute it to the fact that it's very hard to get a true sense of a person on Tinder. You can learn facts about them, sure, but getting a sense of their actual personality and demeanor is a different story.



     A couple of my best friends strongly encouraged me to delete the app after my second date. They saw how bummed out I was from both of these experience, and thought that even though Tinder wasn't an obsession for me, it was still bringing more negativity then positivity into my life. And I realized that they were right!


     So now that I have shared my experiences with Tinder: here is my conclusion on it. It isn't always a bad thing. I honestly think that it is pretty cool that we live in a society that's technologically advanced enough to have dating apps like Tinder around! I do know of people, both in Maine and North Carolina, who have gotten into actual lasting relationships thanks to Tinder. So it's definitely not all bad.

     However, while I do think that giving it a try and seeing how it works for you isn't a bad thing, it needs to be treated with caution. Both for the obvious safety reasons, but also to protect your emotions and heart. I didn't let myself develop strong feelings for guys that I was just talking to on an app, so I thought that I would be totally fine with it all, but I never even considered how much it would disappoint me when both of my dates didn't go well! Just like my friends told me, if Tinder is bringing more negativity then positivity into your life, it might be time to re-evaluate why you need the app.


     This post is titled "A Christian Perspective on Tinder" since I am a Christian, so my last piece of advice regarding Tinder or any online dating is to pray about it! God will give you a sense of peace if the timing is right. And always be sure to use things like Tinder in a way that honors God- I never would have used Tinder for one of its uses, which is just for hook-ups, I was actually on it to try and meet someone that I might pursue a relationship with!



      Lastly- possibly my favorite thing about Tinder... something everyone can enjoy whether you're using the app or not, is the Instagram account Tinder Nightmares. Real Tinder users submit screenshots to this app of conversations gone wrong, and honestly it is the funniest thing in the world. Their Instagram posts always brighten my day. They just released a book of the best Tinder Nightmares of all time recently, and I would love to get my hands on it!



     Now I want to hear your thoughts! Have you ever been on Tinder? Are you on there now? (If so- do you have any date horror stories or Tinder Nightmares of your own?!)


     xoxo Miss ALK

My thoughts on this season's Bachelorette finale.

     I have been a long-time fan of the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, and have been a fan since Brad Womack's second go-around as the Bachelor. It is the only reality television show that I keep up with. However, I want to say upfront that I don't exactly take the show seriously... I am a huge fan of Bachelorette spoiler blogger Reality Steve and since Ben's season I have been reading the spoilers ahead of time. Reality Steve's insider commentary on the show is absolutely hilarious and he points out so many of the ways in which this show is not "real" at all. But at the same time, I am still a girl with a romantic side who enjoys seeing the dates and travel destinations each season, and the fashion blogger in me loves seeing the girls' outfits or the Bachelorette's outfits, depending on what the season is! I do always route for the couple that gets together at the end to stay together as well. I was thrilled when both Ashley and JP and Sean and Catherine got married and loved watching both of their weddings on TV. Random Bachelorette fun fact: former Bachelorette Emily Maynard attends the same church that I do in Charlotte! She also met her husband there (they didn't meet on the show), and they actually spoke during a sermon this past February. :-)


    I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts on the finale of this past season with Andi as the Bachelorette. (As per usual, I read Reality Steve's spoilers that were posted a few months ago, and they were pretty much 100% accurate for every episode! I enjoy reading the spoilers because I feel that it actually makes me watch the show more closely and helps me to analyze certain contestants more then others earlier in the show.) But anyways, the point of this blog post isn't to talk about my love of Bachelor(ette) spoilers, I wanted to talk about my thoughts surrounding Nick, one of Andi's final two guys, and his very dramatic exit from the show.

    There have been a lot of heartbroken final two contestants in the seasons of the Bachelor and Bachelorette that I have watched, but I don't think that I have ever seen anyone as heartbroken on the show as Nick. To say that he was devastated that Andi didn't choose him would be the understatement of the century. Since the Bachelorette wraps up filming about three-ish months before the finale, usually  runner-up that appears at After The Final Rose and confronts their lead has at least come to terms with everything by that point, and oftentimes they report that they are already in a new relationship. Well, not the case for Nick.

      The After The Final Rose (ATFR) special showed footage of how Nick tried repeatedly to contact Andi after the Bachelorette filming ended, but she kept refusing to talk to him until ATFR. At the actual show last night their conversation exploded very quickly, and lead to Andi saying quite bluntly that she never loved him, in which he responded with a tough question: why did she sleep with him on their Fantasy Suite date if indeed she never actually loved him?


     Their was a lot of social media response to this remark from Nick, and many people thought that he was way out of bounds for saying that on national live TV, especially when the show mentioned he had tried to contact her prior to through both a letter format and in-person. But I on the other hand, say props to Nick for bringing that up! And here is why:

     Yes, it's true that many of the lead Bachelors and Bachelorettes do sleep with many of their contestants during the Fantasy Suite dates, not just the person that they intend to stay with after the show is done. Former contestant and Ben's season Bachelor winner Courtney Robertson even addressed this in her recent autobiography I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends (a really fun read for fans of the show by the way!). Morally I do not approve of that at all, but that's another rant altogether. Irregardless of my own Christian beliefs on premarital sex however, there have been Bachelors and Bachelorettes who have either had the same views as me or who have chosen to abstain from sleeping with their contestants in the Fantasy Suites for other reasons. Bachelorette Emily wanted to set a good example for her daugheter since she was a mom when she did the show, and she is now happily married to a Christian guy that she didn't meet on the show. Bachelor Sean was a Christian and born-again virgin who said from the start that he wouldn't use the Fantasy Suites for those purposes, and he is now happily married to Catherine, who he proposed to at the end of his season! While I'm sure that the culture of being on a show like the Bachelor(ette) can put pressure on the lead into using the Fantasy Suites for sexual reasons, past examples like this show that they don't always have to be about that (and good things can come from avoiding that!).

     I don't believe that either Nick or Andi are Christian so I wouldn't expect them to have Christian views on premarital sex. But I do believe that it is a valid thing for someone, Christian or non-Christian, to only want to sleep with someone who loves them. Clearly that is what Nick wanted. He seemed to understand that Andi couldn't say "I Love You" until the proposal time, so he had to sense her "I Love You" through her body language, actions and other words. And I will say that right up until when she ended things with him, Andi did seem pretty into him!! I don't fault him for misinterpreting that.

      Another reason that I say props to Nick for what he did in ATFR is because Andi had three opportunities to use her Fantasy Suites, and she only used two. She decided to send Chris, the fan-favorite farmer from Iowa, home before giving him the key to the suite because she wanted to be honest with him about how she didn't have the same feelings for him as he did for her. I applauded her for doing that, and I thought they had a very tasteful break-up as far as the show was concerned. Now why couldn't she have treated Nick with the same decency if she claimed in ATFR that she "knew she didn't love him"?

     I also want to say quickly that I wasn't a big Nick fan through the whole season!! If you're reading this post then you probably think that I was rooting for him the whole time. Being someone that reads spoilers I knew that she would end up with Josh all along, and I actually was a huge fan of Josh at the beginning! In the early weeks I thought he and Andi were absolutely adorable together, and I couldn't wait to see where things lead. Nick wasn't a favorite of mine for most of the show- but I will say I gained a lot of respect for him in Fantasy Suite date week and of course in the finale. The whole situation really struck a chord with me so much that I wanted to blog about it! (But his fashion choices during the whole season were still very, very questionable.)


     I also felt a personal connection to this situation a little bit because during my freshman year of college I almost dated a guy who reminded me a lot of Nick. When I told him that I didn't actually have feelings for him and thought we would be better either as friends or just to move on from each other, he did not react well and reacted kind of similarly to Nick on the show!! (Just to clear things up: the furthest physically that my thing ever got was me kissing him on the cheek so slightly different. ;-) ) We eventually met in person several months later before I transfered colleges to talk about what had happened in the fall when I "dumped" him, and the closure was good. I actually blogged about it last summer but looking back on the post it is WAY too wordy and kind of embarrassing so I don't think I am going to share the link. ;-)


     Anyways, I am happy for Andi and Josh! It is something else how they both lived in the same city and didn't meet until doing the show and travelling around the world together. I can't wait to see who the next Bachelor is- stay tuned to Reality Steve because he will most likely spoil it before it is released!


     xoxo Miss ALK

On singleness.

Seeing the preview of next week's Bachelorette episode in the Dominican Republic made me miss their beautiful beaches!! (Other then that this picture has no relation to the blog post ;-) )

      In the earlier days of Southern Belle in Training, singleness was a topic that I wrote about a lot. In the past year, my blog has shifted to become more fashion focussed overall, and most of my personal posts are about college life or my faith. Those are both great topics to write personal posts about, but I started feeling over the past week like God was putting it on my heart to write about singleness on the blog again. At first I kept putting it off, but over time this post started to write itself in my head, so I knew I needed to get the words down and into a blog post draft. :-)

     What inspired this post is this wonderful article on singleness that I read last week. It's from a website for Christian teenage girls called Project Inspired. The name of the article is pretty self-explanatory: "I've Never Kissed A Guy Or Dated. Am I Being Too Picky? Advice?" and the fact that the title of it was so blunt made me want to read it!! Most of Project Inspired's articles are geared for middle or high school aged girl's, but this article was actually written for college aged single girls like myself. And I related to it so much... seriously, so much that it was almost scary!

     I don't just want to spend this whole post paraphrasing the Project Inspired article (mainly because I want y'all to read it!), but what I will say is that it's tough to be what I call "single with a purpose" during the late teen years or early 20s. These are the years when it seems so many of my peers are just hooking up with every person that is willing, and another good chunk of my peers are in the serious relationships that I so I want and desire. And wanting a serious relationship isn't a bad thing at all! It's a desire given by God, and things that come from Him are good. But, all things come in His Timing, and His Timing alone. If I want to avoid the culture of hook-ups and heartbreak that so many of my peers are partaking in, then that might mean that my season of singleness has to last awhile longer. I don't know when it will end exactly, but God does, and I know that He's shaping me into the best person that I can be in the meantime (and hopefully doing so with my future guy as well!).

     Some days are better then others days as far as singleness goes. But then there are the hard days. The days where it really does seem like all of my close girlfriends are in relationships, and it does get harder and harder to be happy for theml. The days when I have a rough day at school or at work, and all that I want is a cute guy to cuddle with and to tell me it will be okay (Just being honest here! haha). Sometimes I think about all of the places in Maine or in Charlotte that I would love to take a guy on fun dates to. Etc etc etc. But, the sad moments always pass, and I remember everything that I wrote in the previous paragraph. I am 100% trusting in God's plan for my life, including my love life! It might be hard to get through now, but I know that the Lord has my best interests at hand (and for anyone reading this, He has your best interests at hand, too!).


     Do any of you have thoughts on singleness or dating? This is definitely a topic that's very relevant to me right now ;-) so feel free to leave a comment!


     xoxo Miss ALK
   

Book Review: Pulling Back the Shades

     About a month ago,  Icon Media Group sent me a book to review. The first time I had worked with Icon was over the winter, when they had sent me a copy of Beth Moore's newest devotional, Whispers of Hope (read my review here!). I was thrilled when I was contacted again about reviewing another book, and even more excited when I found out that it was the newest book from one of my favorite Christian authors. I have gotten to review Pulling Back the Shades, by Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery. This is a book that covers some heavier subject matter. Here is the description that Icon Media sent to me: "Pulling Back the Shades exposes the danger of erotica for both single and married women. Dr. Slattery and Gresh examine erotica from a spiritual and sexual standpoint, providing Biblical teaching, personal stories and testimonies from those affected by erotica to help women navigate this uncharted territory and discover how to embrace their sexuality and spirituality. While the Bible is clear on topics such as adultery and incest, Slattery and Gresh point out where even God is “grey” on sexual matters." Gresh and Dr. Slattery felt that God was calling them to author this book in response to the recent erotica "craze" after the publication of the best-selling book 50 Shades of Grey a couple of years ago. I have noticed that in the Christian community a lot of attention seems to be given to men who have a porn addiction, but I haven't heard of very much for women who might struggle with the same lustful thoughts, so props to Gresh and Dr. Slattery!

     I have been a long-time fan of author Dannah Gresh, so I was interested to see what this book would be like, although the subject matter is a bit heavy. I'll start by saying that this book is very readable, and the two authors did a good job of making these topics as least-awkward as possible! The first couple of chapters focus on the reasons why women (including Christian women) are reading and purchasing erotic literature in such high numbers. Gresh and Dr. Slattery discuss the many reasons that lead to how easy it is for readers to get sucked into the fantasy world that these books and stories create, which can cause addicition to erotica and also for consequences in the readers' real lives.

     The middle chapters discuss what the bible says is right and wrong in regards to sex. Gresh and Dr. Slattery also discuss some "grey" areas which aren't directly mentioned in the bible. A lot of helpful bible verses are cited in these chapters, from both the Old and New Testaments of the bible.

     And the conclusion of the book offers an alternative to ertotica: becoming spiritually satisfied through Christ. The story of Jesus and the woman and the well is shared, and I love this passage that Dannah Gresh wrote at the end of the chapter:

     "An intimate walk with Jesus isn't reserved for 'super Christians.' He promises, 'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart' (Jeremiah 29:13). You only have as much of God as you really want. So I ask, are you hungry for Him? Are you so thirsty for His love that you would dive headfirst into a well to be satisfied?"


     As will all Dannah Gresh books, I loved this book, and it was so excellent that I think every young woman should read it!! I originally read this book solely for the purpose of reviewing it on my blog, and I was able to get so much more out of it then expected! It definitely made me think a lot about how my media and literary choices affect me (at one point Dannah even writes about how even reading too much Christian romance can be a bad thing if you let it become an obsession). I could definitely relate to that- there have been times in the past when I have turned to reading romance novels because I was so tired of being single, but this book reminded me how that can actually be a dangerous thing to do. I also loved the spiritual content in the last two chapters.

    
     Thank-you Icon Media for sending me Pulling Back the Shades! It was a pleasure to review it.


     xoxo Miss ALK

A new season of singleness.

{Taken at the beach in my hometown in August 2013}

     I feel like the topic of singleness is something that I wrote about quite a lot last year, and also this past summer. Yet since I have started my sophomore year of college, it's something that I haven't written about here. It's not that I have been avoiding the topic, but instead my life has just been so busy and full that there hasn't been as much of a need to talk about it. For this beginning part of my 19th year, singleness is something that I don't hate with a passion anymore. Sure, I don't love it, but I seem to have a newfound respect for it.

     One thing that I have started to realize this semester is that I have the power to make myself busy with things that I want to do. I was always busy during my freshman year, but I feel as though a lot of the things that I was busy with weren't things that I necessarily enjoyed doing. Next semester especially I will have lots of enjoyable things to fill my time with. I will begin my internship, become more involved in Alpha Delta Pi (the amazing sorority that I'm blessed to be apart of), and hopefully join a bible study at the church that I've been going to in Charlotte. Each of these actitivies will help me to develop myself in a different way. They are also things that I am looking forward to, and I know that God has blessed me with all of these opportunities!

     Yes, I would love to be in a relationship right now. Yes, I would by lying if I said that my heart never hurts sometimes when I see girls posting pictures online of flowers or presents that their boyfriends gave them. Yes, I would love to have a wonderful guy sending me good morning texts or picking me up from the airport (either at home or at school!) from my trips on school breaks. But I have finally realized that this is just something that the Lord hasn't put into my life yet, and that's okay. It would be wrong for me to force any of this with the wrong person, and God will make it known to me when I meet a guy that it's okay to enter into a relationship with. And in the meantime, the Lord has blessed me with so many amazing opportunities- and I don't want to miss out on any of those because I'm too busy complaining about still being single!

     I hope that 2014 is the year that I find an amazing romantic relationship, but if it's not, I know that I will be just fine. 2013 is a year that has helped me gain a lot of self-confidence (transferring schools, job and internship hunting, going back and forth between North and South and having a blog all helps with that :-)), and I know that the reason that I haven't had a boyfriend yet doesn't have anything to do with me personally, it has to do with God's plan. All that I can do is keep doing what I'm doing, and work harder on practicing virtues like patience, hard work and positivity! Developing myself is the best thing to do in the meantime.


     xoxo Miss ALK

Summer of Something New blog challenge: Week 6

     I cannot believe that this is the last week of the SOSN blogging challenge! These past six weeks went by so quickly. If you've been reading along all summer then be sure to check out the week 6 posts on the other blogs participating: elle-oh-vee, Forever Convinced, The Shore Life According to M and Gina Alyse! For my last week of the challenge, I had originally wanted to conquer a difficult recipe or attempt another Pinterest craft. But what I ended up doing was so much more meaningful to me then any of those options...

     I have a bad habit of buying devotional books (or requesting that my mom buy me them for Christmas) but then never finishing them. I have a 365 day devotional that I got for Christmas in 2011, and I've been stuck in the day 320ish range for over a year. That is just one example! I always get really pumped up about getting a new devo book, but once I dig into the "hard stuff" it usually ends up back on my bookshelf and is sadly forgotten about.

     I've been a big fan of Christian author Dannah Gresh for awhile. I read her best selling book about modesty called Secret Keeper back when I was in middle school, and I still can remember many of the great truths in the book. I read one of her books on the importance of sexual purity called And The Bride Wore White this past Spring, and I also enjoyed it. So when I found out that she had a new book coming out called Get Lost, I decided to treat myself to pre-ordering it. The description was something along the lines of "this book is perfect for girls that have guy problems/place too much importance on guys/etc" and I thought that this would be perfect for me. As many of you know, my freshman year of college wasn't great in the romance department (you can read about that here and here). I was definitely struggling at the start of this summer with the fact that I'm still single, and this book sounded like a cure to my problems.

     I started reading it right away when it arrived in my mailbox a few months ago. But when I realized that after only a few chapters in the book turned into 10 intense devotions (called a "Love Feast"), I put it back on my bookshelf. These devotions involved serious prayer, Christian songs to listen to and meditate on, and journaling assignements. One weird pet peeve of mine is writing in books that I buy. I can't stand it. I'm not really sure why, but I think it might be because I enjoy lending friends my favorite books, and obviously I can't do that if I've written personal stuff in a book. Journaling in a book that I've bought makes the book really "mine," and that's always weirded me out for some reason.

      Well, I decided that I would bring the book back out and commit to doing the 10 day Love Feast as the last part of the Summer of Something New challenge. I figured that it might also put me in the habit of having quiet time with the Lord everyday. That's something that I've always struggled to make time for, and something that I'd like to have in my schedule for sophomore year.

     ....

     Ladies, this book has literally changed me, and for the better! I read it hoping that it would make me stop obsessing over the fact that I'm single. Well, I can't say that it was an intstant cure for that, but as I've gone about the Love Feast I can say that I'm a lot more confident in being single then I was at the start of summer. And what I can also say is this book has touched SO many areas of my life!! As part of the daily devotions I have had to ponder all sorts of topics, ranging from how solid my own faith is, the importance of Christian friendships, being patient, Christian service, self-worth, inner beauty, and soooooo many more! This book was like a slap in my face reminding me how I can't do life on my own, and how I need a relationship with God to be the best that I can be. With every devotion I saw how much of a "baby" I still am in my faith, which makes me excited for all of the growth that is to come!!

     I am so happy that I did decide to do the journal entries, and to listen to the songs that Dannah reccomends. All of those have helped me to get the most out of this Love Feast experience. I have also been highlighting many wonderful quotes from the book as I went along. Below is my favorite quote:

     "The fact that God created you IS your worth." 

     Wow, just wow! I had never thought of self-worth in such a simple yet profound way. That is just one of the many quotes that have stuck with me from reading this book.

     Today (Friday the 2nd) will be day nine of the Love Feast, which means that I only have one day after before I finish this wonderful book. I have loved making quiet time a part of my day, and to my great delight I haven't missed a day since I committed to finishing this book! While late mornings may not work for me once my fall semester starts, I do hope to still find a time each day to curl up with a good devotional book and work on my relationship with the Heavenly Father. :-)


     I would HIGHLY recomend this book to any unmarried gal! I know that the main point of the book is to teach us ladies how to fall in love with the Lord instead of the idea of a perfect earthly man, but honestly I have gotten so much more out of this book then just that. Dannah Gresh is an amazing author who writes in a way that is easy to understand, yet speaks deeply to one's heart. She has a great testimony and a wonderful ministry. I would love to see her speak in person someday! I believe that this book could also bring a girl into the Christian faith... day one of the Love Feast is geared towards new believers, and explains all about Jesus in a way that was so clear and inviting.


     Happy Friday everyone! I have a very exciting weekend ahead, filled with fun plans with friends, including my Japanese exchange student BFF Anna who I haven't seen in over two years!! She is back in Maine visiting her old host family and she has brought her real family with her from Japan. I can't wait to see her and meet her family! Here's a picture of us at my Sweet 16 in 2011:

...I appear to have been going through a fashion crisis in 2010. Converse with leggings and a mini skirt, an arm full of silly bands... what was I thinking?! ;-) I do miss my full head of bangs though.

     Visiting with Anna is only one of the many things that I'll be up to this weekend, so expect some weekend updates posts early next week!


     xoxo Miss ALK
   

From failure to triumph.

     According to the world's standards, I am a failure.


     I am almost 19 years old, and I have never had a boyfriend. I've never been kissed, I've never been asked by a guy to be his date to a dance or formal event, and I've certainly never been in love. Today's teen culture isn't made for girls like me. Messages everywhere scream that the only way to be happy at this age is to have a boyfriend, and that there's something wrong with you if you haven't experienced dating yet.

      A lot of these messages come from the media. One example that I found recently was in a recent issue of Cosmo magazine. I don't regularly read Cosmo because of its explicit content, but my grandma somehow ended up with a subscription and asked me to take an issue home so I could call and cancel it for her. I noticed that there was a special section in that issue on college life, and I thought I'd take a peek at what the magazine had to say. One of the college articles was solely on "hooking up" and how to make your sex and dating life extra spicy for the coming school year. I believe 100% that today's hook-up culutre is wrong, and isn't what the Lord instead for His children, but reading about the sex lives of girls the same age as me definitely made me think that I have some catching up to do in the dating department, and left me feeling terribly about myself.

     The messages aren't always as bold and straightforward as Cosmo articles. Every single popular teen television drama these days features some sort of dating relationship or hook-up between characters. Even if the main plot of the TV show isn't about sex and dating (such as Pretty Little Liars, a mystery show), you can bet all of that stuff is going to be there. I've said before that my favorite TV show in the world is 7th Heaven. I loved this show because it emphasized Christian and family values, but even with that, all of the show's main teenage characters started dating by the time they were in early high school. There's quite a few make-out scenes throughout the seasons. Television shows might not be coming right out and saying "You're weird if you haven't started dating yet," but these themes can sure make a person feel that way.

     One thing that seems to have become increasingly romance and significant other focussed is Christmas. This wonderful holiday should be all about celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, but instead it seems to have become almost more love infested than Valentines! There's tons of Christmas songs all about finding true love, or mourning the fact that your love won't be there to celebrate with you that year. There's the photos that everyone sees on social media of girls bragging about what their boyfriends or husbands got them for Christmas. And what about the whole idea of kissing someone under the mistletoe? With all of this and more combined, it's no wonder that girls that are still single can feel pretty down in the dumps throughout the month of December.

     And then there are the messages that come through real life instances. Those moments that come year after year as your see the fellow high school (and now college) students from your home church attending services with their significant others. The moments when the seven and eight year olds from my short stint as a day camp counselor say things to me like "Why don't you have a boyfriend? You're 18, you're supposed to have a boyfriend!"

     And the hardest moments are when your realize that you've seen every single one of your high school friends go through at least one dating relationship. These moments are when one of your girlfriends shares to you with excitment that the guy she's liked has asked her out, or when a friend tells you about the cute thing that her boyfriend did for her this week. Those moments come when some of these relationships hit a rough patch or come to an end, and your girls call you and cry to you on the phone about how terrible their love lives are, when all the while I'm just thinking to myself I'd give just about anything to have experienced love, or a guy's admiration. At least you got to know what it feels like! How can you be venting to me- I clearly don't know anything about any of this stuff!

     .....

     When I see all of this written out, all I can think to myself is how I've failed and failed in the dating and relationships department by the world's standards. There must be something wrong with me, or I must be too prude or too picky about guys, or just plain unlucky. Whatever the reason, I'm not doing too well.


     But thankfully, God's standards give my dating life (or current lack-thereof) a totally different view. God does the same for every other teenager girl or 20-something young woman that has a similar story to mine. How His heart must break when us ladies cry and complain about not being in love with an earthly man... when God sent his Son to endure torture and die for us, and wants nothing more than for us to fall completely in love with Jesus! Something that I've been trying to tell myself lately is Jesus is enough. If I am able to someday develop a truly strong and unwavering faith in Him, then I will have the greatest gift ever. A gift one million times better than any bouqet of flowers from a boyfriend, a diamond ring from a fiance, or the wedding of my dreams to a husband.

     Even though falling in love with the Lord should be enough for anyone, God is good enough to provide precious romantic relationships to many Christians. The beauty of relationships done is His timing is that they will be God-honoring and pure, and the type of relationships that can last through the years and stay strong through any trials or hardships. When someone will enter into this type of relationship one cannot predict, but God knows. In the bible it says:

     "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

     I'm definitely desiring a relationship with a wonderful at this point in my life. But all that I can do right now is surrender this desire to the Lord, and trust that He knows what's best for me and will bring someone into my life when the timing is right.

     Until then, I will triumph in the fact that yes, I am almost 19 years old and yes, I have been able to keep purity a priority in my life! I can be happy that my first kiss will be shared someday with the first guy who treats me the way that I'm supposed to be treated, and not just with some random guy that will leave my life as soon as he entered. I can be relieved with the fact that since I'm not having sex I don't have to worry about STD's, pregnancy, birth control or any other worries that come with premarital sex. I can be glad that since I don't have a romantic relationship right now I can take this time to work on the areas of my personality that need some work, and try and make myself the best person that I can be before adding a second person into every asepect of my life.

     And most importantly, I can triumph in how I'm proud of myself for being what I think is a great example of a modern and independent young woman who keeps up with the trends, yet still places her faith first and has fallen in love with God's plan for her love life.


     Single girls: will you join me in being triumphant?


     xoxo Miss ALK


     P.S. This post was written mainly as a way to cheer myself up after I felt the "single girl blues" creeping on me this past weekend. Writing all of my thoughts down in this post made me feel so much better, and I hope that I was able to encourage some others in the process! :-) 
     

The great bikini debate.

     Happy Tuesday everyone! I apologize for not having a post up bright and early yesterday morning like I usually do on most Mondays. This past Sunday was a rare full day off for me, and I spent the day at a lake in New Hampshire with one of my high school friends. It was a great day, and expect to hear more about that soon! But today I wanted to talk about a question that I've been pondering a lot lately: is it okay for Christian girls to wear bikinis?

     If you haven't seen this video yet, I highly suggest that you watch it! I saw that a few bloggers and some of my Facebook friends were sharing this a couple weeks ago, and after seeing it pop up so many times I decided to give it a watch. Jessica Rey (the woman speaking in the video) definitely knows the history of women's swimwear very well, and she definitely made some good points about how skimpy swimwear can affect guys. I think it's very cool how she was able to start her own swimwear line, and I also think it's cool how this video was able to reach so many people by going viral.

     The thing is, I have been unable to forget this video since I first saw it, and that's unusual for me. Ever since I watched it, I kept getting these almost weird gut feelings as I'd get ready to go to the beach that were telling me that perhaps I should stop wearing bikinis. I have been a bikini fan for awhile. My mom didn't use to dress me in them when I was little, but when I was in high school I started wearing them (minus a conservative phase that I went through a few summers ago). I always like to follow the trends, and until recently one-piece swimsuits were not in, so therefore I didn't even consider wearing them. My mom did always prefer that I didn't wear "string" bikinis, so the onces that I'd pick out would have thicker straps and more covering bottoms, but I suppose they still all showed a lot of skin.

     Aside from bikinis being trendy, I also like the feeling of not having tight fabric on my stomach. When I'm at the beach or the pool, I usually like to be in the water (even the freezing Maine ocean at times!). And when I swim, I hate the feeling of wet fabric on my skin, especially after I come out and try to dry off. Bikinis cover less, so that meant drying off quicker. Simple logic it might be, but it made sense to me.

     But yesterday while I was at the lake with my friend, I had her snap a picture of me in the water and then I instagrammed it (not out of the ordinary for an Instagram addict like myself ;-)). When I checked back on Instagram later, I saw that a good number of people had liked the picture (including some of my favorite bloggers!). My Instagram isn't private though, so there were some people that liked it that I have no clue who they are, including some guys. For the first time, this made me really uncomfortable. I was actually quite disturbed by the fact that random dudes were checking out and liking a picture of me in a bikini.

     And even worse is that this also happened in person yesterday! While my friend and I were waiting to get into the changing rooms at the lake, I noticed some guys that were way too old for me to be interested in checking me out. I also noticed that they weren't doing that to my friend, who was wearing a cute but covering one-piece. Instead of being flattered, I felt icky and rather unclothed.

      Yet all of these awkward feelings just aren't enough to make me want to part with bikinis. During my break at work today I found myself googling articles on my phone with questions like "christians and bikinis" and reading what came up. Everything I found pretty much said that if a woman wants to be Christlike, then she must be modest, and bikinis simply aren't modest. This started to make more sense to me. I started thinking about how Christians are called to be set-apart and "from this world but not of it." When I see people out in public that I don't know, if I'm dressed just like everyone else in skimpy swimwear then how would they be able to know that I'm trying to set a good example?  I also started wondering what my future husband would think about bikinis vs. one pieces or tankinis.

     But at the same time, bikinis are trendy, cheaper and I explained my reasons for not liking the feeling of wet fabric all over me after I've been swimming. So I'm a bit confused about what to do. I feel in my heart that God wants me to stop wearing them because that's how I've been convicted, but it's honestly hard for me to follow that. Listening to His voice is something new for me.

     Speaking of convictions, that's something else that I'd like to address in this post. In the bible study that I was in at school last year, one of the topics that we discussed was being respectful of others' convictions. Some people might be called by God to step away from certain behaviors, such as not drinking (after age 21), not listening to secular music, choosing courtship over dating, etc. While you might not be convicted to do those same things, it's important to not judge anyone for the things that they choose to do. For example, courtship is something that I don't feel like would work for me, but I still have to respect anyone who chooses that over dating, and I also should try to understand their perspective, even if I don't agree with it.

     So if you're wearing bikinis and loving it, I'm not here to judge you! This post is simply my way of sharing what God has recently put on my heart. I'm not trying to force this on anyone or make you think that you're doing something "wrong" by wearing them... heck, I was just in one about 48 hours ago at the lake.


     But what would I would like to know- what do all of you think about bikinis? Are they appropriate for Christians to wear? What type of message do they send? If you're married or in a relationship, I'd love to know what your significant other thinks of them! Always interesting to hear things from a guy's perspective.

     Since I'm still not quite sure if I want to make a big jump to not wearing them at all, I'm thinking that my next swimsuit purchase should be more of a transition piece... perhaps a bikini with a skirted bottom and a top with more coverage, or a one sheer one piece. See below for some of my Pinterest inspiration!



     xoxo Miss ALK

A sort of part 2 on "guy lessons from reflection."

     Last week I posted  about some important lessons that I learned through an experience of fall for a guy during the beginning of my freshman year of college. I titled the post "part 1" and meant to share "part 2" this week. Part two wasn't about the same guy as the first post. Part two was about a guy that I fell very hard for at the end of my first semester. My suitemate had set me up with him and everything was progressing perfectly. He was a Christian, he had his priorities straight (such as family and school were very important) and he was very good looking as well. Just when we were starting to get close and I was getting attatched he left my life. It wasn't because of me, he had to transfer schools for the following semester because of some things going on with his family. And when I say transfer, I mean leave NC suddenly and go to pretty much the opposite part of the country. We didn't really have much closure, because he told me kind of abruptly and I was angry and hurt at the time. This all happened over half a year ago now, but my feelings just haven't gone away. I haven't really talked to him at all since this. (He occasionally sends me snapchats but our communication has been limited to that.)

     ^ that's the extremely short version, and it was hard enough for me to write that. I first vocalized my decision to blog about my experiences with him here, and I hoped that writing a long post similar to guy lessons from reflection would help me, but it has just made my feelings worse. I tried writing a long post about it several times, but every time that I'd add a little more to it I'd end up in a terrible mood, or start crying. I have struggled and struggled with getting over him for many months. I have talked to my mom about it a ton, vented to college friends, and most importantly, I've talked to God. At first I kept questioning why He would allow me to cross paths with someone who I would be so attracted to, and not only that, but a guy that gave me no reason not to like him. Besides for him not being totally honest about leaving, there was nothing about him that I didn't like. This guy had good looks, morals (both of us were firm believers in purity before marriage, and he wasn't into drinking or drugs), humor and one of the most solid faiths that I've ever seen in a college guy. One night when we hung out I remember I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and no make-up (something I rarely do) and he still made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. The way that we met was adorable too; he was friends with one of my suitemates and when the two of them were hanging out on campus once I waved at her; afterwards he told her I was cute and asked her to set us up. Like seriously, how sweet is that?!

     But anyways, I got off track for a second. I kept praying and in my prayers after he left I begged God to let me get over him quickly, and I also tried to overcome my own feelings and pray for him as he began a new chapter in his life (I still try and do this). In the first few months after it happened I didn't really think about him much. I was busy with starting a new semester, and then soon after I got really sick. Then came the craziness of making up all of my work and ending the semester... and on top of all of that was the transferring thing. But since coming home I can't stop thinking about him. My memories are so vivid, and they hit me at the weirdest times. I think part of the reason that I've been dwelling so much in the past with him is because almost all of the people that I keep in touch with from my high school are/just were in serious relationships, and I feel left out. There's also been no guys that I've been interested in since him.

     I posted about this situation on a Christian girls Facebook group that I'm a member of. Several girls commented on my post and some of them told me they'd been in similar situations. Pretty much all of them suggested that one way that I can look at the situation is to acknowledge that the fact God took him out of my life should teach me that I need more of God in my life, and this experience could show me how much I need to rely on the Lord in everything. I think this was very good advice, but at the same time it doesn't make dealing with all of this any easier.

     In some ways I think I finally have made peace with the fact that I'm still single, something that took me a long time to get to. In this situation it's not the fact that we didn't date and I'm still single that makes me the most upset (I think I would have been content if we stayed "just friends"), it's that I fell so hard for a guy that I thought was perfect, and then he left so suddenly (and didn't really make an effort to stay in touch).

   
     Do any of you have tips for getting over a guy? I recently bought the book Get Lost by Dannah Gresh. It's a devotional and Christian self-help book that encourages girls to fall in love with Jesus instead of letting guys consume your thoughts. Although I have been kind of failing in keeping up with the daily devotions because of my work schedule, I have loved what I've read so far. When I finish the book I hope to do a review of it.


     xoxo Miss ALK

Guy lessons from reflection {Part 1}

     In the last few weeks, I've had this huge urge to just pour my heart out into this blog. When I first began this blog I was looking forward to doing some things differently then I had on my old one. For example, I never really got into fashion at all before, and fashion posts were something that I was excited to do. I still love doing them (I'm not stopping! Don't worry) and I've gotten some great feedback, but as I look back on my first few posts on this blog I realize how little I wrote about what was going on in my life at that time (which was my first semester of college). If you've read any of my posts of late about non-fashion things you've probably realized that I over-analyze everything that happens in my life. Well, a good way to deal with all of this is by blogging things out. :-)

     During my first semester I had "relationships" with two guys, one at the start of the semester and one at the end. When I say relationship, it makes it sound like I had two boyfriends over the course of the semester, which isn't true at all. I'm proud to say that my Facebook relationship status has never been changed from single, and it's going to stay that way until a wonderful Godly guy sweeps me off my feet. ;-) But anyways, by relationship with these two guys I mean more like friendship that was headed in the direction of dating, but never made it. (See how complicated that was to explain and why I just stuck with the term "relationship?" Haha.) Both were totally different situations involving guys that were total opposites of each other. Since coming home for the summer I've been thinking a lot about both of these "relationships" and how much I learned from each one and grew. But I feel like I'm still hanging on to each one a little bit, and it's time to move on for good. So hopefully by telling all of you the details of both, as well as what I learned, I can finally have closure and move on. Plus, it will give you all a little insight as to what I was up to last summer, which is a time when I had taken an unofficial blogging break.

The story of Guy #1:

     Guy #1 and I actually met on online, and it will be a year ago on Tuesday. I only remembered this because he first messaged me on June 25th, and 25 has always been one of my lucky numbers. Anyways, last summer I was apart of a Facebook group for members of the incoming freshman class at my (former) college. I was going to be attending July's orientation, so I tried to message as many people as I could who were on the group to introduce myself and see if they were going to the same orientation as me.
     Guy #1 actually messaged me first! He sent a basic message saying a little bit about himself and that he was a fellow incoming freshman looking to make some friends before the start of the school year. I happened to be online when he wrote, so I wrote back right away, and then he wrote back, and before I knew it we were deep in conversation. Well, I ended up glancing at the clock at one point once it had gotten late and I saw that we had been Facebook chatting for four hours! We talked about so many things in that first chat; everything from what we were majoring in and where we were from (he was from NC), to our Christian faiths and our families. I told him that I had to get to bed, but I asked him if he wanted to continue to chat the next day and he said yes.

     Well fast-forward to a week later and by then we'd Facebook chatted every night that week! By this point we'd also shared phone numbers. That weekend I went away on a one night camping trip with my high school's Interact club. I'd been very involved in Interact since sophomore year, and this was the big end of the year bash. It was held on a small island up Maine, the teacher advisor for interact had a cabin on the island and we all camped in her yard. But anyways, while on the camping trip my friend H and I had a heart-to-heart talk about boys while in my tent at two in the morning. I told her all about guy #1, and I was so excited to finally be able to tell H that things were happening for me in the boy department! After a failed attempt at liking a guy friend of mine during the start of senior year, I hadn't really liked anyone since then, so this was kind of a big deal for me. This was also the first guy I had liked in a long time that was Christian.

H and I on the boat ride to the island for the camping trip! June 2012

     Guy #1 and I continued texting, and our conversations began to talk more to matters of love and dating. At this point things were never about each other, but he later told me that he had feelings for me by this point. I was on the verge of developing feelings. We were open with each other on just about everything: qualities we were looking for in a BF/GF, thoughts on sex before marriage (both of us not for it), our dream dates, celebrity crushes, etc. I loved how open I could be with him, and I felt totally comfortable talking to him about everything. I liked how he said his family was an important part of his life, and how his Christian faith was important to him. He didn't curse, and shared my views on drugs and alcohol. And the best part was he loved talking to me even more than I liked talking to him! Things seemed great as the month of July started.

Saw this amazing DOUBLE rainbow while driving in my hometown on June 24th, 2012, the day before guy #1 and I started talking. I saw this while driving and was so amazed that I pulled over to take some pictures!!!

     A couple days before I was leaving for July orientation at my former school, I suddenly wondered to myself why I wasn't trying to make plans to meet guy #1 in person while I would be down in NC for a few days. He lived about an hour from the school, and didn't have a job so scheduling wouldn't have been a problem. We had still been talking a lot. I thought that I liked him in a more than friends way, but I was still a little bothered by the fact that we had met online and I wanted to meet him in person before I could let my feelings grow. I like to think I'm a logical person. ;-)

     I texted him asking if he'd like to meet up while I was in his neck of the woods, and he said definitely! Within a couple hours our plans were made. He and a family member would drive down to have dinner with me and my dad after orientation at school. I was totally cool, calm and collected about the whole thing as you can see from this text between me and one of my high school friends:

     So off my dad and I headed to NC! I was excited to be in my future home state again, to have some Bojangles biscuits, and to meet some of the girls from school that I'd met on Facebook. But most of all, I was excited to meet guy #1! The night before orientation I was literally freaking out in our hotel room. My worst nightmare was that he'd actually be like some 70 year old pervert who ended up on the Facebook page and posed as an 18 year old dude.

We stopped at one of my favorite Southern restaurants right after arriving in NC!

     Finally, orientation day arrived. The actual day itself was pretty great. I got to meet my bestie K in person for the first time, as well as my other good friend M (who is the one that took many pictures for the fashion posts on my blog during the school year!)

Left to right: M, a girl I met at orientation that transferred after first semester, K and me! 

     But as fun as orientation was, I couldn't stop thinking about how I would be meeting guy #1 later that day. After orientation ended, my dad and I headed over to the restaurant that we were meeting guy #1 and his aunt at. My nerves were at an all time high...

     And then guy #1 and his aunt walked in! He really was who he said he was, and I was so happy. Conversation came just as well in person as it had over texting and online. I told him all about my orientation experience, and we all talked about the tragic shootings in Aurora, CO (which had happened the night before). My dad liked him, and his aunt liked me. He kept shooting me sweet little smiles across the table, and I noticed that his eyes were nicer in person than they were on his Facebook pictures.

     However, during the whole meeting I realize now that I was trying too hard to convince myself that since he had come all that way to meet me, I had to like him in a romantic way. I could tell from the way he was looking at me across the table that he was really into me, and I think that I liked knowing he liked me more than I liked liking him! (If that makes any sense). I do remember thinking to myself how in person he was still attractive, but didn't look exactly like in his pictures, and I wasn't quite as attracted to him as I thought I would be (despite the pretty eyes). But I told myself that my attraction for him would grow more once school started, and I should be thrilled to have a Christian guy who was that into me before school even started.

After orinetation my dad and I headed to a beach in NC for a few days of vacation. More on that next week! :-)

     A few days after we had met in person, guy #1 told me over texting that he had feelings for me. Even though I'd had some moments of doubt when I was actually with him in person, I was so flattered by the fact he admitted it that I told him I liked him too. The one good thing that I did say is I'd like to date him but nothing could be 100% sure until we'd spent more time in person together once school started (proud of myself for saying that). He said he agreed but jumped right into planning what we'd do for dates.

     In the last few weeks of summer before school started, we got a lot more comfortable with each other and started referring to each other as our BF/GF (although the Facebook statuses were never changed THANK GOODNESS) and texted each other hearts and things. Guy #1 had even begun to talk a little bit about how he could see us getting married after college... which I know now should have been when I ran for the hills, but at the time again I was flattered, although I made no promises to marry him. ;-)

     I forgot to add that by this time we'd started skyping. The night before my big move to NC a few of my girlfriends from high school came over to say good-bye. Two of them joined me in skyping him... after talking to him they told me they approved!

High school friends Jules and B joining me in skyping guy #1, the night before I left for NC. Sorry the picture is a little dark!

     Two days later, I was officially a resident of the South as it was move in day at college. Guy #1 and I texted most of the morning as my parents and I left our hotel and headed for school. After I'd checked into my suite and moved some of the larger items into my room I texted him and told him I was ready to meet up. We decided to meet on a little bridge over the small end of the school's lake. It was halfway between his dorm and my suite building.

     I got there first, and I saw him coming towards me. When he came up to me, I gave him a hug. It was a long hug, and I was shocked that I felt NOTHING. No romantic feelings, no butterflies in my stomach, no happiness, just AWKWARDNESS. That's when I started to see that everything that I'd planned out was about to fall apart. Next he pulled something out that he'd been holding the whole time, a beautiful little bouqet of lillies. He'd remembered once during the summer that I'd said lillies were one of my favorite flowers, so he'd bought me some. I was so touched. No guy (besides for my dad lol) had ever bought me flowers before!

Sadly this is the only picture I have of the flowers. I snapped it on my phone as I was walking back to my room after meeting him.

     After he gave me the flowers, I felt like it would be appropriate to kiss him. This would have been my very first kiss. But as I leaned in, something inside me screamed NOOOOO! and I remembered how I'd felt a moment before with no romantic feelings, so instead I kissed him on the cheek. He was delighted by this and didn't make any moves which was good. I went then went back to my room.

    I showed my parents the flowers and they were just tickled. They were so happy for me that I'd met a nice guy so early into school, and were more excited than I was about the flowers I think! Haha. Anyways, I was hoping that finishing moving in would help me sort out my feelings about guy #1, but he showed up right then at my suite to help my parents move stuff. My mom got to meet him and took a few awkward pictuers of the two of us (pictures that I've never seen and never want to haha). After this I told him I needed some time to myself to move in, and he agreed.

     Dinner that night was a campus-wide barbecque for students and their families. His parents and him ended up finding me and my parents, so our parents met each other and started talking over dinner. I barely said anything during that meal. I knew by this point that I didn't like guy #1 at all in a romantic way, and after dinner I wasn't even sure I could see him as just a friend. He asked me to hang out that night but I told him I wanted to meet up with K, who I hadn't seen since orientation.

K and I having fun with my umbrella, "Mr. Frog," on our first night at college!

     The next morning was a church service for students and their families. I sat with my parents, new friends K and M.... and guy #1, who tagged along. At the start of the service the pastor speaking announced how he met his wife on his first day of his freshman year of college at that school... when he said that guy #1 gave me this weird smile and K and M poked me on the arm. ONE OF THE MOST AWKWARD MOMENTS OF MY LIFE... because I knew I had no interest in guy #1.

Guy #1 took this picture of K and M and I after the service. I hate the dark background because it looks like I have no hair haha.

     That night, I texted guy #1 and asked him if I could have space for a couple days from him as classes started and I settled in. He wasn't happy about it, but agreed. I feel really badly now that I wasn't honest right away in telling him my feelings had changed. Instead I blamed not wanting to see him on "having a hard adjustment to life so far from home" which was actually kind of a lie. I settled into college pretty well.

     Long story short, after about a week of not seeing him he messaged me all confused as to why I wasn't talking to him anymore and wanted to know what happened. I told him then that I had decided that I wasn't ready for a BF so soon after coming to college, and that I thought we should both focus on making friends. He was REALLY upset by this and I won't go into details but he sent me some pretty weird texts that got me very worried about him.

     I went to see him in his dorm room later that night and again, I won't go into specifics but he was very upset. I learend that his transition to college had actually been a lot harder than mine, and in his head he'd always counted on me being there for him from day one. At the time this creeped me out, and I started to see how deep his feelings had been for me. Wayyyy more than just an online crush. I advised him again to just work on making friends, and I alerted his RA about the weird messages I'd gotten and how he seemed upset.

     About a week later (I think) he had sent me a message apologizing for his behavior the night I visited him and told me he'd thought a lot about what I said. He agreed he wasn't ready to date at the time, and asked if we could kinda start over and be just friends. But here's where I messed up.

     Instead of seeing that he was genuinely sorry and was a brother in Christ who was in need of a good friend, I told him that I didn't want to be friends at all. By this time I'd started thinking he was really weird. It took me awhile to make friends in high school, and I didn't want anyone like him to hold me down from socializing in college. This sounds terrible now as I write it, and I'm so ashamed that I acted that way, but I did, and I want to be honest here.

     In short, I cut off all contact with him on my 18th birthday. That was also the day that I started this blog. I wanted it to be a day of new beginnings, and for me new beginnings didn't include guy #1 at all.   Unfortunately, guy #1 and I had a class together last semester, so that was kinda awkward. He used to glare at me a lot from across the room (I don't blame him now).

        The end of the story is that one night in January I was at my school's weeknight worship service when I spotted guy #1. He was there all by himself, as compared to me sitting with a bunch of friends. He looked so lonely and sad, and God spoke to me and told me in that moment that I had to make things right between us. This is something that my parents had been urging me to do for a few months, but I had to come to it on my terms and at the right time.

     Since we'd had such a bad parting in September I knew that I couldn't just go up to him and say something. In fact, I had no clue how to approach him. I ended up scheduling a meeting with one of the counselors at school, and I went back to see him several times over the next two months, until I had the courage to apologize to guy #1 for not being honest and for being a bad friend.

     Guy #1 and I were able to meet one more time and make closure at the end of April, and you can read about that in this post. Things went well, and I think that's because we had both prayed about the situation, and enough time had past that hard feelings were softened.


..... So that's the very long story of me and guy #1, and here are a few lessons that I've learned from the situation!

1. Self-disclosure shouldn't be rushed: I took a sociology class as an elective at college last semester, and we talked a lot about the term self-disclosure, which is when one person reveals their true nature to another person. This is critical in any type of relationship (friend, family, etc) but especially important when you're interested in dating someone! However, it shouldn't ever be rushed. The phrase "True Love Waits" means more to me than just waiting until marriage to have sex. It also means to me that if God wants you and a person to be together, things will develop in their proper course over time. From the first week that guy #1 and I were talking on Facebook we shared almost everything about ourselves. I realize now where that's it's not wrong to have become friends online with someone attending my school, I should have not gotten too carried away and kept more personal things to myself (like my thoughts on relationships), in case things turned out like they did between us.
2. ALWAYS be honest, even when it hurts: This is actually going to come up next week in my second guy story from first semester, so it's really important to me. In the case of guy #1, I wasn't honest with him. As nice as it was that he bought me flowers, I should have told him from day one of being at school that I wasn't as into him as I thought I'd be, and gotten that taken care of then, instead of dragging it on for a few weeks. I've also learned since then that you can be honest with someone who is interested in you and let them down without being mean about it. A guy liked me second semester and I didn't feel the same, and I told him that it wasn't so much about "him" as it was that God would bring him the right girl in his life at the right time, and that girl wasn't me. A much better way to let someone down then to cut them off like I did with guy #1! 
3. Go with your gut: I've always relied on my gut feelings to make major decisions in life. Sounds terrible, I know, but I believe that's sometimes how God reveals His plans for me. (Don't laugh!) As I gave guy #1 the hug and kiss on the cheek after the flowers, I knew that I didn't have feelings for him, and I felt my instinct saying he wasn't the one for me. Did I handle this in the right way? No. But is it better then having ignored that feeling and made myself date him? Heck yes!

     For awhile I was angry and ashamed about how things went down with guy #1, but I honestly do believe that God allows all things to happen for a reason, and I'm happy that I learned some important life lessons from it. I think that I learned even more from my experiences with guy #2 though, so stay tuned for that story next week!


     xoxo Miss ALK