Wedding Wednesday: Wedding Week Reflections

       I can't believe it's finally here: I'm getting married this week! For my final Wedding Wednesday post before the wedding, I simply wanted to share a few reflections for how I'm thinking and feeling during this notable week. 

Relationship Monday: 2 Resources That Finally Changed My Mindset on Dating.

       Long time, no Relationship Monday post! I used to share these a few times a year but haven't written one now for about two and a half years. A lot has changed between my last Relationship Monday post in Summer 2020 to now. I've moved cities and jobs, seen life pretty much go back to normal post-2020, made a lot of new friends and started my social life over again in my new city, and possibly most excitingly- I've been in a happy long-term dating relationship for almost a year! I haven't wanted to blog much about my relationship with Ryan in the first year. It's been kind of nice to keep a lot private and special for myself! Waiting so long to have something so good has made me want to soak it all up and treasure it. 

      But for now, at the very least I feel ready to write about the mindset change I had with dating at this time last year. Winter 2022 brought a wakeup call for me with how I viewed dating. And there are two specific resources that I can really credit for helping me change my mindset! If you've also been single for a long time and find yourself getting bitter about the current dating culture but do very much want to find love and a relationship, perhaps both of these things could be helpful to you as well! 

      I should also note- I am a Christian and very much believe in God's plans for our lives, including our love lives! But with that said, I do also believe that God gives us the tools we need to make things happen in our lives. It took me a long time to realize that for a lot of people, God doesn't just magically make the right dating partner appear in life at the right time. Sure- some people are lucky enough to have an amazing meet-cute situation straight out of a romantic comedy to meet their person. And that's great for them! But that is not the reality for most single people navigating dating as an adult post high school and post college. Dating is usually a good deal of work, even as a Christian. And that's okay! I have grown to hate the phrase that's something along the lines of "Love will happen when you least expect it and don't look for it." Uhh.... nope! That was actually the opposite for me. Love finally found me when I was actively dating and "looking for it" as much as I could. 

      

Relationship Monday: Single in a Pandemic.

     The idea for this blog post has been on my heart for a few months now, but I was hesitant to write it until I felt ready. Let's get real about the thoughts and feelings behind being single during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Relationship Monday: 3 Things to Remember When You've Been Ghosted.

    Ghosting. It has to be one of the most popular dating terms of recent years. The official dictionary definition is to "end a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all forms of communication."  Sadly I think it's a safe assumption that most millennials that are actively dating (or I guess really anyone dating) in the last few years has experienced this a time or two.

      I unfortunately went through it again myself just a few months ago. Once the feelings of surprise and hurt had started to fade, it dawned on me that this might make a great Relationship Monday topic for the blog! I've written before about finding contentment with singleness, using dating apps as a Christian, awkward first dates, and many more relevant topics. But I haven't chatted on here about ghosting before- that's changing today!

Relationship Monday: 10 Great Things About Being Single in Your 20s.

     Last year was the year that I truly fell in love with life as a single 20-something woman! Loving my single life doesn't mean that I still don't desire to fall in love and get married in the future- but what it does mean is that I'm truly content in the season of life that I'm in, and excited about what's still to come while it's just me, myself and I! I wrote a blog post last year titled "How I Fell in Love with Being Single", and today's blog post is kind of the one year follow up to that!

Relationship Monday: Things to Remember After a BAD First Date.

     Time for another Relationship Monday post! Thank you all for your kind comments and DMs after last Monday's post about using dating apps. It is so fun to hear y'all's thoughts whenever I share my own views and experiences on dating and singleness, and I'm so glad last week's post resonated with a lot of y'all! Today I'm chatting about something that can often happen when using dating apps (or not as well!) - having a bad first date, and things to do and remember after one.

Relationship Monday: Why I'm Glad I Gave Dating Apps Another Try.

     Happy Monday and happy July! I've been sharing different monthly series blog posts on Tuesdays of each month this year, but for July the monthly series will be on Mondays- I'll be sharing a new Relationship Monday post each week this month! I've always enjoyed writing these in the past, and I haven't shared any in the last several months which means I have lots of post ideas now! I thought I would kick things off by taking a little dive into why my views on dating apps have shifted again in 2019. 

Happy Valentine's Day! Here Are My Favorite Relationship Posts...

     Happy Valentine's Day, friends! Whether you're single, dating, engaged, married, or even getting over a recent heartbreak... I still hope that today is a great day for you. Eat something sweet, and wear something pink and red and/or with hearts!! Tell someone that you love them- even if that's a friend or family member!

     I feel really lucky that 2018 (shortly after moving to Virginia) was around the time that I got into the most positive mindset of my life about being single. I stopped playing the comparison game against friends who were dating, engaged, or married, and have instead tried to make a genuine effort to have a heart of thankfulness for my current state of life each and every day. With that said- that hasn't not always been the case for me! In college, I struggled so much with being single, and I had a few rough Valentine's Days in those years. In college (I think especially if you live on campus like I did), it sometimes feels like a world of its own, and it can start to seem like everyone around you is doing something that you're not. For me,  it always seemed like everyone else on my small campus had a Valentine or was in a relationship. (Obviously this wasn't the case- but I'd throw these giant pity parties where it would seem that way!) Basically, I really struggled with contentment in singleness in my college years, and I so wish that 24 year old me could have said something to 18 or 19 year old me about finding joy during that season of life, even without a boyfriend!

     Anyways- here on the blog I enjoy writing about dating and singleness with my ongoing Relationship Monday blog series. I don't have a certain Monday of each month that I post these... I just kind of share them when I feel inspired! I wasn't able to get up any new relationship content for today on the blog, so I thought that instead I'd share a round-up of five of my favorite relationship related blog posts from years past!!

{Photo originally from this post}

Relationship Monday: A Year Without Dating Apps.

     One of the most popular blog posts on Southern Belle in Training (of all time) was one that I wrote almost three years ago, entitled "A Christian Perspective on Tinder." I had been on Tinder and Bumble for a few months at that point, and just thought it would make a good blog post topic to share some of my thoughts about dating and faith. I had NO idea how much that post would resound with people! (True story: I still get emails from people who found my blog from that post.) My story with dating app usage and how I view them in general has changed a lot since I wrote that blog post. Partly because this year I've finally become happy with being single, and partly because I've had a lot of time to analyze the negatives and positives of my dating app experiences. so in today's Relationship Monday I'll be sharing what life has been like since I deleted all dating apps off my phone last year!

Relationship Monday: How I Fell In Love With...Being Single.

     Relationship Monday is back!! For a couple years now I've loved writing these posts, however I only write them when inspiration for relationship-related topics strikes. Sometimes I'll write a few in a short amount of time, and other times it's months and months before I feel inspired to talk about relationships, dating and singleness on my blog. I'm pretty sure the last time I wrote one of these was this blog post written last winter, when I still lived in Vermont!

     Anyways, my inspiration as struck yet again, and I'm thrilled to be sharing some thoughts from my heart with y'all today. Ready to find out how my contentment with single life went from 0 to 100? Let's go!

Relationship Monday: Finding Joy in Singleness During Engagement Season.

      It's been a long time since I've written a Relationship Monday post. When I introduced this on the blog in February, I saw it being a monthly, if not bi-monthly post series! What I quickly learned with the nature of these types of topics though is that you can't force inspiration for writing about things like dating and relationships. The desire to write about this either hits or it doesn't! The last Relationship Monday post that I wrote was in May, and it was one of the most personal posts that I've ever shared on my blog! I guess after sharing all of that I needed some time away from sharing about this subject of relationships. Anyways, today's post topic has been on my heart and mind for quite some time now, and I knew that the timing was right to bring back Relationship Mondays to the blog! Will it become a monthly series again as I intended? I have no idea!! I'm going to keep sharing these posts only as inspiration hits. 😊 But inspiration is definitely hit this month, so let's get into it!

Relationship Monday: What I Look For In A Guy.

     Welcome back to the next installment of my Relationship Monday series! If you missed the intro to these posts, 1-2x monthly going forward I'll be sharing blog posts about some topics that are a bit more nitty gritty than my fashion content. It's been on my heart for a long time to write about things related to relationships, so welcome to my Relationship Monday series! This is my chance to write about anything related to dating/singleness/guys, and especially how faith plays into all of this.

Bible Verses for Single Girls on Valentine's.

Relationship Monday: So...I'm Single.

     I've been absolutely LOVING reading y'all's repsonses to my blog's very first reader survey (there's still time to take it if you haven't! Take it here!!). I'll be going over the results and plans for moving forward in Wednesday's post, but something that has already stuck out to me so much is that y'all really want to see more personal blog posts, in addition to my fashion posts. So today kicks off the first post in a new Monday series: Relationship Mondays! I won't be sharing these posts every Monday, as I do still enjoy posting fashion content on the first day of the new week. But expect to see these posts on Mondays hopefully 1-2 days per month (with fashion posts on other days those weeks).

My thoughts on this season's Bachelorette finale.

     I have been a long-time fan of the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, and have been a fan since Brad Womack's second go-around as the Bachelor. It is the only reality television show that I keep up with. However, I want to say upfront that I don't exactly take the show seriously... I am a huge fan of Bachelorette spoiler blogger Reality Steve and since Ben's season I have been reading the spoilers ahead of time. Reality Steve's insider commentary on the show is absolutely hilarious and he points out so many of the ways in which this show is not "real" at all. But at the same time, I am still a girl with a romantic side who enjoys seeing the dates and travel destinations each season, and the fashion blogger in me loves seeing the girls' outfits or the Bachelorette's outfits, depending on what the season is! I do always route for the couple that gets together at the end to stay together as well. I was thrilled when both Ashley and JP and Sean and Catherine got married and loved watching both of their weddings on TV. Random Bachelorette fun fact: former Bachelorette Emily Maynard attends the same church that I do in Charlotte! She also met her husband there (they didn't meet on the show), and they actually spoke during a sermon this past February. :-)


    I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts on the finale of this past season with Andi as the Bachelorette. (As per usual, I read Reality Steve's spoilers that were posted a few months ago, and they were pretty much 100% accurate for every episode! I enjoy reading the spoilers because I feel that it actually makes me watch the show more closely and helps me to analyze certain contestants more then others earlier in the show.) But anyways, the point of this blog post isn't to talk about my love of Bachelor(ette) spoilers, I wanted to talk about my thoughts surrounding Nick, one of Andi's final two guys, and his very dramatic exit from the show.

    There have been a lot of heartbroken final two contestants in the seasons of the Bachelor and Bachelorette that I have watched, but I don't think that I have ever seen anyone as heartbroken on the show as Nick. To say that he was devastated that Andi didn't choose him would be the understatement of the century. Since the Bachelorette wraps up filming about three-ish months before the finale, usually  runner-up that appears at After The Final Rose and confronts their lead has at least come to terms with everything by that point, and oftentimes they report that they are already in a new relationship. Well, not the case for Nick.

      The After The Final Rose (ATFR) special showed footage of how Nick tried repeatedly to contact Andi after the Bachelorette filming ended, but she kept refusing to talk to him until ATFR. At the actual show last night their conversation exploded very quickly, and lead to Andi saying quite bluntly that she never loved him, in which he responded with a tough question: why did she sleep with him on their Fantasy Suite date if indeed she never actually loved him?


     Their was a lot of social media response to this remark from Nick, and many people thought that he was way out of bounds for saying that on national live TV, especially when the show mentioned he had tried to contact her prior to through both a letter format and in-person. But I on the other hand, say props to Nick for bringing that up! And here is why:

     Yes, it's true that many of the lead Bachelors and Bachelorettes do sleep with many of their contestants during the Fantasy Suite dates, not just the person that they intend to stay with after the show is done. Former contestant and Ben's season Bachelor winner Courtney Robertson even addressed this in her recent autobiography I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends (a really fun read for fans of the show by the way!). Morally I do not approve of that at all, but that's another rant altogether. Irregardless of my own Christian beliefs on premarital sex however, there have been Bachelors and Bachelorettes who have either had the same views as me or who have chosen to abstain from sleeping with their contestants in the Fantasy Suites for other reasons. Bachelorette Emily wanted to set a good example for her daugheter since she was a mom when she did the show, and she is now happily married to a Christian guy that she didn't meet on the show. Bachelor Sean was a Christian and born-again virgin who said from the start that he wouldn't use the Fantasy Suites for those purposes, and he is now happily married to Catherine, who he proposed to at the end of his season! While I'm sure that the culture of being on a show like the Bachelor(ette) can put pressure on the lead into using the Fantasy Suites for sexual reasons, past examples like this show that they don't always have to be about that (and good things can come from avoiding that!).

     I don't believe that either Nick or Andi are Christian so I wouldn't expect them to have Christian views on premarital sex. But I do believe that it is a valid thing for someone, Christian or non-Christian, to only want to sleep with someone who loves them. Clearly that is what Nick wanted. He seemed to understand that Andi couldn't say "I Love You" until the proposal time, so he had to sense her "I Love You" through her body language, actions and other words. And I will say that right up until when she ended things with him, Andi did seem pretty into him!! I don't fault him for misinterpreting that.

      Another reason that I say props to Nick for what he did in ATFR is because Andi had three opportunities to use her Fantasy Suites, and she only used two. She decided to send Chris, the fan-favorite farmer from Iowa, home before giving him the key to the suite because she wanted to be honest with him about how she didn't have the same feelings for him as he did for her. I applauded her for doing that, and I thought they had a very tasteful break-up as far as the show was concerned. Now why couldn't she have treated Nick with the same decency if she claimed in ATFR that she "knew she didn't love him"?

     I also want to say quickly that I wasn't a big Nick fan through the whole season!! If you're reading this post then you probably think that I was rooting for him the whole time. Being someone that reads spoilers I knew that she would end up with Josh all along, and I actually was a huge fan of Josh at the beginning! In the early weeks I thought he and Andi were absolutely adorable together, and I couldn't wait to see where things lead. Nick wasn't a favorite of mine for most of the show- but I will say I gained a lot of respect for him in Fantasy Suite date week and of course in the finale. The whole situation really struck a chord with me so much that I wanted to blog about it! (But his fashion choices during the whole season were still very, very questionable.)


     I also felt a personal connection to this situation a little bit because during my freshman year of college I almost dated a guy who reminded me a lot of Nick. When I told him that I didn't actually have feelings for him and thought we would be better either as friends or just to move on from each other, he did not react well and reacted kind of similarly to Nick on the show!! (Just to clear things up: the furthest physically that my thing ever got was me kissing him on the cheek so slightly different. ;-) ) We eventually met in person several months later before I transfered colleges to talk about what had happened in the fall when I "dumped" him, and the closure was good. I actually blogged about it last summer but looking back on the post it is WAY too wordy and kind of embarrassing so I don't think I am going to share the link. ;-)


     Anyways, I am happy for Andi and Josh! It is something else how they both lived in the same city and didn't meet until doing the show and travelling around the world together. I can't wait to see who the next Bachelor is- stay tuned to Reality Steve because he will most likely spoil it before it is released!


     xoxo Miss ALK

On singleness.

Seeing the preview of next week's Bachelorette episode in the Dominican Republic made me miss their beautiful beaches!! (Other then that this picture has no relation to the blog post ;-) )

      In the earlier days of Southern Belle in Training, singleness was a topic that I wrote about a lot. In the past year, my blog has shifted to become more fashion focussed overall, and most of my personal posts are about college life or my faith. Those are both great topics to write personal posts about, but I started feeling over the past week like God was putting it on my heart to write about singleness on the blog again. At first I kept putting it off, but over time this post started to write itself in my head, so I knew I needed to get the words down and into a blog post draft. :-)

     What inspired this post is this wonderful article on singleness that I read last week. It's from a website for Christian teenage girls called Project Inspired. The name of the article is pretty self-explanatory: "I've Never Kissed A Guy Or Dated. Am I Being Too Picky? Advice?" and the fact that the title of it was so blunt made me want to read it!! Most of Project Inspired's articles are geared for middle or high school aged girl's, but this article was actually written for college aged single girls like myself. And I related to it so much... seriously, so much that it was almost scary!

     I don't just want to spend this whole post paraphrasing the Project Inspired article (mainly because I want y'all to read it!), but what I will say is that it's tough to be what I call "single with a purpose" during the late teen years or early 20s. These are the years when it seems so many of my peers are just hooking up with every person that is willing, and another good chunk of my peers are in the serious relationships that I so I want and desire. And wanting a serious relationship isn't a bad thing at all! It's a desire given by God, and things that come from Him are good. But, all things come in His Timing, and His Timing alone. If I want to avoid the culture of hook-ups and heartbreak that so many of my peers are partaking in, then that might mean that my season of singleness has to last awhile longer. I don't know when it will end exactly, but God does, and I know that He's shaping me into the best person that I can be in the meantime (and hopefully doing so with my future guy as well!).

     Some days are better then others days as far as singleness goes. But then there are the hard days. The days where it really does seem like all of my close girlfriends are in relationships, and it does get harder and harder to be happy for theml. The days when I have a rough day at school or at work, and all that I want is a cute guy to cuddle with and to tell me it will be okay (Just being honest here! haha). Sometimes I think about all of the places in Maine or in Charlotte that I would love to take a guy on fun dates to. Etc etc etc. But, the sad moments always pass, and I remember everything that I wrote in the previous paragraph. I am 100% trusting in God's plan for my life, including my love life! It might be hard to get through now, but I know that the Lord has my best interests at hand (and for anyone reading this, He has your best interests at hand, too!).


     Do any of you have thoughts on singleness or dating? This is definitely a topic that's very relevant to me right now ;-) so feel free to leave a comment!


     xoxo Miss ALK
   

Book Review: Pulling Back the Shades

     About a month ago,  Icon Media Group sent me a book to review. The first time I had worked with Icon was over the winter, when they had sent me a copy of Beth Moore's newest devotional, Whispers of Hope (read my review here!). I was thrilled when I was contacted again about reviewing another book, and even more excited when I found out that it was the newest book from one of my favorite Christian authors. I have gotten to review Pulling Back the Shades, by Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery. This is a book that covers some heavier subject matter. Here is the description that Icon Media sent to me: "Pulling Back the Shades exposes the danger of erotica for both single and married women. Dr. Slattery and Gresh examine erotica from a spiritual and sexual standpoint, providing Biblical teaching, personal stories and testimonies from those affected by erotica to help women navigate this uncharted territory and discover how to embrace their sexuality and spirituality. While the Bible is clear on topics such as adultery and incest, Slattery and Gresh point out where even God is “grey” on sexual matters." Gresh and Dr. Slattery felt that God was calling them to author this book in response to the recent erotica "craze" after the publication of the best-selling book 50 Shades of Grey a couple of years ago. I have noticed that in the Christian community a lot of attention seems to be given to men who have a porn addiction, but I haven't heard of very much for women who might struggle with the same lustful thoughts, so props to Gresh and Dr. Slattery!

     I have been a long-time fan of author Dannah Gresh, so I was interested to see what this book would be like, although the subject matter is a bit heavy. I'll start by saying that this book is very readable, and the two authors did a good job of making these topics as least-awkward as possible! The first couple of chapters focus on the reasons why women (including Christian women) are reading and purchasing erotic literature in such high numbers. Gresh and Dr. Slattery discuss the many reasons that lead to how easy it is for readers to get sucked into the fantasy world that these books and stories create, which can cause addicition to erotica and also for consequences in the readers' real lives.

     The middle chapters discuss what the bible says is right and wrong in regards to sex. Gresh and Dr. Slattery also discuss some "grey" areas which aren't directly mentioned in the bible. A lot of helpful bible verses are cited in these chapters, from both the Old and New Testaments of the bible.

     And the conclusion of the book offers an alternative to ertotica: becoming spiritually satisfied through Christ. The story of Jesus and the woman and the well is shared, and I love this passage that Dannah Gresh wrote at the end of the chapter:

     "An intimate walk with Jesus isn't reserved for 'super Christians.' He promises, 'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart' (Jeremiah 29:13). You only have as much of God as you really want. So I ask, are you hungry for Him? Are you so thirsty for His love that you would dive headfirst into a well to be satisfied?"


     As will all Dannah Gresh books, I loved this book, and it was so excellent that I think every young woman should read it!! I originally read this book solely for the purpose of reviewing it on my blog, and I was able to get so much more out of it then expected! It definitely made me think a lot about how my media and literary choices affect me (at one point Dannah even writes about how even reading too much Christian romance can be a bad thing if you let it become an obsession). I could definitely relate to that- there have been times in the past when I have turned to reading romance novels because I was so tired of being single, but this book reminded me how that can actually be a dangerous thing to do. I also loved the spiritual content in the last two chapters.

    
     Thank-you Icon Media for sending me Pulling Back the Shades! It was a pleasure to review it.


     xoxo Miss ALK

A new season of singleness.

{Taken at the beach in my hometown in August 2013}

     I feel like the topic of singleness is something that I wrote about quite a lot last year, and also this past summer. Yet since I have started my sophomore year of college, it's something that I haven't written about here. It's not that I have been avoiding the topic, but instead my life has just been so busy and full that there hasn't been as much of a need to talk about it. For this beginning part of my 19th year, singleness is something that I don't hate with a passion anymore. Sure, I don't love it, but I seem to have a newfound respect for it.

     One thing that I have started to realize this semester is that I have the power to make myself busy with things that I want to do. I was always busy during my freshman year, but I feel as though a lot of the things that I was busy with weren't things that I necessarily enjoyed doing. Next semester especially I will have lots of enjoyable things to fill my time with. I will begin my internship, become more involved in Alpha Delta Pi (the amazing sorority that I'm blessed to be apart of), and hopefully join a bible study at the church that I've been going to in Charlotte. Each of these actitivies will help me to develop myself in a different way. They are also things that I am looking forward to, and I know that God has blessed me with all of these opportunities!

     Yes, I would love to be in a relationship right now. Yes, I would by lying if I said that my heart never hurts sometimes when I see girls posting pictures online of flowers or presents that their boyfriends gave them. Yes, I would love to have a wonderful guy sending me good morning texts or picking me up from the airport (either at home or at school!) from my trips on school breaks. But I have finally realized that this is just something that the Lord hasn't put into my life yet, and that's okay. It would be wrong for me to force any of this with the wrong person, and God will make it known to me when I meet a guy that it's okay to enter into a relationship with. And in the meantime, the Lord has blessed me with so many amazing opportunities- and I don't want to miss out on any of those because I'm too busy complaining about still being single!

     I hope that 2014 is the year that I find an amazing romantic relationship, but if it's not, I know that I will be just fine. 2013 is a year that has helped me gain a lot of self-confidence (transferring schools, job and internship hunting, going back and forth between North and South and having a blog all helps with that :-)), and I know that the reason that I haven't had a boyfriend yet doesn't have anything to do with me personally, it has to do with God's plan. All that I can do is keep doing what I'm doing, and work harder on practicing virtues like patience, hard work and positivity! Developing myself is the best thing to do in the meantime.


     xoxo Miss ALK