Southern Belle in Training

Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle Blog || Est. 2012 || Virginia Beach, VA

May 22, 2017

Relationship Monday: An Open Letter To The Boy Who Broke My Heart.

     Welcome back to my monthly Relationship Monday blog post series! After taking a little hiatus from these during my travels/move/starting my new job, I'm bringing it back with a very personal post. This has been a situation that I've been processing and dealing with for the past few months. Basically- 2016 was a pretty crappy year for lack of a better term, and during these months last year I hid a lot of what was going on in my real life from the blogging side of my life.

     I debated sharing about what I'll be talking about today here on my blog for a long time because it is personal, and the story doesn't just involve me but also another person, but I've come to conclude that blogging is my best form of stress relief and healing. I don't just write here because I like to talk about fashion and share my outfits. I also blog to share real life experiences, and sometimes real life is really messy. I've definitely shared before about personal topics on my blog... but never one that felt THIS personal, if that makes sense.

      So, that all goes to say... it finally took a few months to dawn on me that most people also go through heartbreak, and while painful, it is a relatable topic. Obviously there are parts to this story that I have left out for my own privacy and the other person's, but for the most part, it's all here. So here we go- after a very long blog post intro.... An Open Letter To The Boy Who Broke My Heart:

 I've fallen in love only once in my life, and I remember the exact moment that it happened. I fell in love in a parking lot.

     You came into my life when I least expected it, and that's when they say it always happens. (Who is "they" anyways?) But when I say "least expected," I mean "least expected." With all that was going on in my life last fall, I wasn't looking to date anyone at all. I was trying to make broadcasting school, my job, and beginning my internship search my top three priorities, in addition to the other painful (legal) situation happening in my life at the time. So there was no time in there for boys and crushes and the potential of falling for someone.

      But of course- that's when it happened! Meeting you at the most unexpected time in my life. And in yours too I suppose. Right from the first week that we had met, it felt like I had known you for years. As we got to know each other more and more, sometimes I had to remind myself that I hadn't gone to college with you and spent the last few years with you. But to contradict myself, at the same time- it wasn't surprising at all that you didn't go to my college. You were kind, friendly, hardworking, a gentleman, and most importantly, you had the strongest faith of anyone I've ever met. That is a quality that I never found in a single boy in my three years at Queens University, and one that I waited for and prayed for and guarded my heart for all throughout college. Sure - guarding my heart doesn't mean that I didn't go out on occasional dates in college and try my hand at dating apps. But I never did have a serious boyfriend in college, because I knew my standards meant finding someone who shared my faith in Christ, and a boy who had those same priorities just wasn't at my university and apart of my path during my college years. So I guarded my heart and waited and waited. And then you came along.

     First you became my best friend, and that in itself happened quickly (too quickly). We had the same sense of humor, which was quite magical looking back on it. It didn't take long for me to think about things moving beyond friends. The chemistry was there, you had the qualities of the type of guy that I was looking for, and all the feelings were there for me. It was what I had been waiting for, or so I thought. There were more nights of conversation together in that parking lot. Me standing by my car, and you by yours. Us talking for 30 mins, an hour, an hour into two hours... my feet starting to kill in my heels from standing that long, but not wanting to move a muscle or go anywhere because I was having what felt like the most enjoyable and natural conversation of my life.

      Things kept progressing. These are memories that hit me every now and then. Text conversations becoming so flirty that the elephant in the room not being addressed about our feelings kept growing bigger and bigger. You reading my blog on a regular basis and telling me how much you enjoyed my posts. (Wonder if you still read?) After some more time had passed, the night that I finally told you my feelings towards you. Our first date. Etc, etc. And then just as quickly as it had begun, and it began to spiral downward.

      Skipping ahead a couple months in memories, I will never forget the way I felt the day you finally told me there was someone else. It was much overdue information, and it explained all of the changes in the way that you had pulled away from me- not just in being interested in me, but also as my best friend. Hearing that news (and I should clarify- hearing that news via a text message) felt like I had been shot. A hug from my roommate, a visit from a sorority sister, and sobbing myself to sleep that night couldn't take away my pain. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I had been the girl in college who wouldn't fall victim to the tricks of typical college boys. And here I was, a year later, completely brokenhearted and crushed by someone who I thought I could trust. Someone who shared my religious beliefs and morals. Someone who should have just been honest with me if he didn't have the same type of feelings, instead of telling me he did and leading me on for months.

     All I can tell myself now is that everything happens for a reason. I met you for a reason. I was vulnerable for a reason, and hurt for a reason. I don't know what those reasons were yet, and that's okay. Sometimes realizations come with time and healing.

     What I did learn through my time of knowing you is I did very much like the things that initially attracted me to you- the qualities like kindness, friendliness, and a hardworking attitude in your career. I'll be looking for those same things in the next guy that I meet. But I'll also be more guarded with the next person. You were dishonest in your intentions with me... and whether I like it or not, now my trust has changed. I pray that when the right guy comes, (hopefully soon!), I will be able to let my guard down again and be totally and completely me... just like how I was with you. Because that was a beautiful thing, and now remains a precious memory.

     That concludes the open letter part of today's blog post. I thought that I would also include a few of the ways that have been helping me over the past few months with moving on:

  1. Avoid staying social media friends and social media stalking: I think it's great when exes have a friendly enough break-up to remain social media friends. I'm still Facebook friends with all of my high school crushes, and all of the guys who I dated casually in college. However, this was a romantic situation that meant a lot more to me, and I realized quickly it wasn't healthy for me to remain social media friends with this person after how I was treated. I needed him out of my life, and he was unfriended on all social media. In addition to that, I have to maintain a strict no stalking rule with myself, and hold myself accountable to that! Checking up on someone who hurt me so much never does any good. (Nor does stalking his "someone else"...) 
  2. NO rebounds: A rebound is never a good idea. When you've had strong feelings of love for someone else, that doesn't just go away overnight, especially when you were blindsided out of it like I was. A relationship that begins out of the basis that you needed companionship because you were still missing someone else will never be a healthy one. I've seen too many of my friends over the years fall into the trap of doing this- and it never ends well! I'm finally now at a place where I feel ready to date again, but it definitely took a good few months. And I let it. 
  3. Focus all of your time and energy on making yourself better: Since you won't be with this person anymore and you shouldn't be going after a rebound, take all of the extra time and energy that you have an invest it into YOURSELF. Whether it's kicking butt at your job, learning a new skill, taking that vacation you've always wanted to, or what doing what I did- applying for your dream job! Seriously- having my heart broken was great motivation to kick myself into gear for applying to radio jobs nonstop, which totally paid off. The best revenge of all is to be living an amazing life!

     Thank you so much for reading today's Relationship Monday post! Regularly scheduled blog programming will return tomorrow!

     xoxo Annaliese (or Charlotte XO on the radio!)


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