May 22, 2017

Relationship Monday: An Open Letter To The Boy Who Broke My Heart.

     Welcome back to my monthly Relationship Monday blog post series! After taking a little hiatus from these during my travels/move/starting my new job, I'm bringing it back with a very personal post. This has been a situation that I've been processing and dealing with for the past few months. Basically- 2016 was a pretty crappy year for lack of a better term, and during these months last year I hid a lot of what was going on in my real life from the blogging side of my life.

     I debated sharing about what I'll be talking about today here on my blog for a long time because it is personal, and the story doesn't just involve me but also another person, but I've come to conclude that blogging is my best form of stress relief and healing. I don't just write here because I like to talk about fashion and share my outfits. I also blog to share real life experiences, and sometimes real life is really messy. I've definitely shared before about personal topics on my blog... but never one that felt THIS personal, if that makes sense.

      So, that all goes to say... it finally took a few months to dawn on me that most people also go through heartbreak, and while painful, it is a relatable topic. Obviously there are parts to this story that I have left out for my own privacy and the other person's, but for the most part, it's all here. So here we go- after a very long blog post intro.... An Open Letter To The Boy Who Broke My Heart:





     I've fallen in love only once in my life, and I remember the exact moment that it happened. I fell in love in a parking lot.



     You came into my life when I least expected it, and that's when they say it always happens. (Who is "they" anyways?) But when I say "least expected," I mean "least expected." With all that was going on in my life last fall, I wasn't looking to date anyone at all. I was trying to make broadcasting school, my job, and beginning my internship search my top three priorities, in addition to the other painful (legal) situation happening in my life at the time. So there was no time in there for boys and crushes and the potential of falling for someone.


      But of course- that's when it happened! Meeting you at the most unexpected time in my life. And in yours too I suppose. Right from the first week that we had met, it felt like I had known you for years. As we got to know each other more and more, sometimes I had to remind myself that I hadn't gone to college with you and spent the last few years with you. But to contradict myself, at the same time- it wasn't surprising at all that you didn't go to my college. You were kind, friendly, hardworking, a gentleman, and most importantly, you had the strongest faith of anyone I've ever met. That is a quality that I never found in a single boy in my three years at Queens University, and one that I waited for and prayed for and guarded my heart for all throughout college. Sure - guarding my heart doesn't mean that I didn't go out on occasional dates in college and try my hand at dating apps. But I never did have a serious boyfriend in college, because I knew my standards meant finding someone who shared my faith in Christ, and a boy who had those same priorities just wasn't at my university and apart of my path during my college years. So I guarded my heart and waited and waited. And then you came along.


     First you became my best friend, and that in itself happened quickly (too quickly). We had the same sense of humor, which was quite magical looking back on it. It didn't take long for me to think about things moving beyond friends. The chemistry was there, you had the qualities of the type of guy that I was looking for, and all the feelings were there for me. It was what I had been waiting for, or so I thought. There were more nights of conversation together in that parking lot. Me standing by my car, and you by yours. Us talking for 30 mins, an hour, an hour into two hours... my feet starting to kill in my heels from standing that long, but not wanting to move a muscle or go anywhere because I was having what felt like the most enjoyable and natural conversation of my life.


      Things kept progressing. These are memories that hit me every now and then. Text conversations becoming so flirty that the elephant in the room not being addressed about our feelings kept growing bigger and bigger. You reading my blog on a regular basis and telling me how much you enjoyed my posts. (Wonder if you still read?) After some more time had passed, the night that I finally told you my feelings towards you. Our first date. Etc, etc. And then just as quickly as it had begun, and it began to spiral downward.


      Skipping ahead a couple months in memories, I will never forget the way I felt the day you finally told me there was someone else. It was much overdue information, and it explained all of the changes in the way that you had pulled away from me- not just in being interested in me, but also as my best friend. Hearing that news (and I should clarify- hearing that news via a text message) felt like I had been shot. A hug from my roommate, a visit from a sorority sister, and sobbing myself to sleep that night couldn't take away my pain. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I had been the girl in college who wouldn't fall victim to the tricks of typical college boys. And here I was, a year later, completely brokenhearted and crushed by someone who I thought I could trust. Someone who shared my religious beliefs and morals. Someone who should have just been honest with me if he didn't have the same type of feelings, instead of telling me he did and leading me on for months.


     All I can tell myself now is that everything happens for a reason. I met you for a reason. I was vulnerable for a reason, and hurt for a reason. I don't know what those reasons were yet, and that's okay. Sometimes realizations come with time and healing.


     What I did learn through my time of knowing you is I did very much like the things that initially attracted me to you- the qualities like kindness, friendliness, and a hardworking attitude in your career. I'll be looking for those same things in the next guy that I meet. But I'll also be more guarded with the next person. You were dishonest in your intentions with me... and whether I like it or not, now my trust has changed. I pray that when the right guy comes, (hopefully soon!), I will be able to let my guard down again and be totally and completely me... just like how I was with you. Because that was a beautiful thing, and now remains a precious memory.


     That concludes the open letter part of today's blog post. I thought that I would also include a few of the ways that have been helping me over the past few months with moving on:



  1. Avoid staying social media friends and social media stalking: I think it's great when exes have a friendly enough break-up to remain social media friends. I'm still Facebook friends with all of my high school crushes, and all of the guys who I dated casually in college. However, this was a romantic situation that meant a lot more to me, and I realized quickly it wasn't healthy for me to remain social media friends with this person after how I was treated. I needed him out of my life, and he was unfriended on all social media. In addition to that, I have to maintain a strict no stalking rule with myself, and hold myself accountable to that! Checking up on someone who hurt me so much never does any good. (Nor does stalking his "someone else"...) 
  2. NO rebounds: A rebound is never a good idea. When you've had strong feelings of love for someone else, that doesn't just go away overnight, especially when you were blindsided out of it like I was. A relationship that begins out of the basis that you needed companionship because you were still missing someone else will never be a healthy one. I've seen too many of my friends over the years fall into the trap of doing this- and it never ends well! I'm finally now at a place where I feel ready to date again, but it definitely took a good few months. And I let it. 
  3. Focus all of your time and energy on making yourself better: Since you won't be with this person anymore and you shouldn't be going after a rebound, take all of the extra time and energy that you have an invest it into YOURSELF. Whether it's kicking butt at your job, learning a new skill, taking that vacation you've always wanted to, or what doing what I did- applying for your dream job! Seriously- having my heart broken was great motivation to kick myself into gear for applying to radio jobs nonstop, which totally paid off. The best revenge of all is to be living an amazing life!


   
     Thank you so much for reading today's Relationship Monday post! Regularly scheduled blog programming will return tomorrow!


     xoxo Annaliese (or Charlotte XO on the radio!)

   

   

19 comments:

  1. It's not easy to open up so much so I commend you for having the courage to write this post! I've been where you've been (had a 6 year relationship end when he met someone else) and it is brutal. But when you lean on your faith, friends, and family you will grow SO much from it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What I've learned from my own experiences is that... boys suck. But what makes it all worth it is knowing that however winding and rocky and terrible it might seem you will come out on the other side stronger and more in touch with yourself. And just think - it sucked then and it may still suck now - but it wasn't meant to be, and what is meant to be will be AMAZING because of what you went through to get there!

    Tori

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so glad you shared this - sometimes it's really hard to get it out but it DOES help so much! You came out of the relationship stronger and knowing more than you ever could which is the most important thing. I've been through a nasty break up and it was not something I want to remember, but something I still don't forget! It's not easy but everything does happen for a reason!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Heartbreak is such a universal feeling and an awful one at that. I loved seeing you open up even more on your blog even though I know it can feel scary. Relationships and dating can be an emotional rollercoaster (even when two genuinely good, well intentioned people are involved). The lessons you learned and used to move on are really good ones. I also think it is important not to go down the rabbit hole of social media stalking exes...it turns you into a crazy person and it is SO not worth it.

    I like to believe it is important to have our hearts broken a time or two. Don't get me wrong, it is a horrible, wretched feeling but we learn from it and we grow. You deserve someone who shares your beliefs, is your best friend and only has eyes for you because he values everything that makes you AMAZING.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi,

    Very Good Evening!

    I am Developer, Web Design, and Development firm with over 5
    years of experience. In these tough times, where it is hard to maintain the top
    line, we can help share the bottom-line for you.

    We will be happy to help execute Responsive Web Design and Development and SEO and App's
    projects at a much lower cost than what you have in the house - No compromise on
    quality!


    Our primary focus is:-

    1. Website Designing
    2. PHP Development in CMS (WordPress, Joomla, Magneto, Opencart, Shopify, Codeigniter, Drupal, Etc)
    3. Database programming
    4. Responsive Website Designing According to Mobile
    5. Facebook Page Likes
    6. Ecommerce Solutions
    7. Search engine optimize (SEO and SMO Promotion)
    8. Website Product Content Images Data entry


    Our Personal Portfolio website: www.fahimshakir.com
    Email id:- info@fahimshakir.com
    fahimshakir786@gmail.com
    Skype id :- fahim.shakir40
    Contact No:- +91 9268751849
    What's up No: +91 9718925775
    THANK YOU.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Heartbreak is one of the most painful things we can experience in the world. Let it make you stronger and make the next relationship stronger! Its hard to be open about a relationship, that is great you were able to share this with your readers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this with us. I remember spending so many nights crying when boys broke my heart, but honestly, it makes my marriage now so much sweeter having experienced that. The heartbreak of before reminds me to not take my marriage now for granted.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Breakups are tough (even when it's the end of a friendship, not a romantic relationship) but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you know what you're looking for in the next relationship. Things will all fall into place. We've all been there at some point in our lives. It's so important to just be true to yourself and love yourself first!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Heartbreak is such a terrible feeling that no one deserves to feel. This letter is so great though and I think everyone learns things about themselves during times like this
    -Olivia
    Miss Olivia Says

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm glad you decided to sharing this story <3 And thank you for sharing, especially because blogging can be helpful in making you feel better <3

    http://thesophiadiaries.com/howto/how-to-accept-and-embrace-change

    ReplyDelete
  11. Heartbreak is never easy! i love that you opened up to your readers. It's always admirable.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for sharing this story! Everybody can relate to this at one point in their life. Heartbreak is so hard and opening up about it makes you so strong! I wish you luck in your future relationship!

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a beautiful letter. Heartbreak is never easy, but when we take the time to reflect, I believe it moves us towards the person we are meant to be. Love your post break up tips too!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh gosh girl, I feel for you but you are so right that the right guy is out there for you <3

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a great post girl, it takes guts to put yourself out there! The fact that you're able to lay this out and put your heart out there says a lot about moving forward!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Even though the subject is grim, LOVE this post girl! Such a good read.

    -Alix

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you for sharing this. I know how difficult it can be to be in a situation like this, let alone share it for the world to see. I like to think these heartbreaking situations make us stronger, and open the door for the right person.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow, this amazing for sharing, I can only think how helpful this would be for girls struggling through a heartbreak

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sending you endless hugs and lovelovelove going through this...you are SO BRAVE and strong for publishing, and he's a sh*thead for doing that to you. BUt everything does happen for a reason, so you WILL find someone even better!!!

    Coming Up Roses

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for reading Southern Belle in Training! Comments make my day- so feel free to share your thoughts on this post! I read each and every comment.
If you have a question in regards to one of my posts, or just want to say hi, the best way to get ahold of me is by e-mailing me directly at: rainbowflash94@yahoo.com. I am better about responding to e-mails than blog comments sometimes!
Xoxo